Who or What Are You Waiting For?

I had this lesson a few years back, but I recognize it is a tough one for me to learn. I was waiting to hear from someone regarding a possible job, but she wasn't contacting me . . . I was growing a tad impatient. While taking a walk one day, I complained to God: "Why haven't I heard from 'Suzie?' I've been waiting for her for a long time. Decisions need to be made." The answer was impressed upon my soul - "You're not waiting for Suzie, you're waiting for Me."

This answer was not an audible voice from God, but I knew it was from Him. In the process of waiting, often times, it seems like we're waiting on people and circumstances. God is one whose timing is perfect for His plans and purposes . . . and it often seems such a different time frame and plan than my own.

I feel like throughout this process I have been waiting for: doctors, medical personnel, appointments, referrals, phone calls, emails, healing, getting back to work, driving once again, getting on a bicycle, and the Chicago Cubs baseball team to return to the World Series. This is just the short list!

I'm in the process of memorizing the Bible passage of Psalm 37:1-8. I have made it to verse 7. This morning I read, "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him." Stillness and patience! Those aren't necessarily easy words for me to hear, but they're the right ones . . . and they really are good words for me.

God is teaching me a lot about His character, His grace, His sovereignty, and that He is in control - and that it is about His timing. He is doing a work within me (in my character), as well as this healing process. God has been healing me, inside and out. For that I am truly grateful. It doesn't necessarily happen according to my time frame, but I am going to seek to find out more about being still before God and waiting patiently for HIM.

God is worthy of my trust. Much good will come out of waiting on Him for His plans and purposes to be accomplished.

Kathi

An Entry From My Journal -3/28/09

There is something interesting going on inside of me, I think in my soul. First, I need to recognize/admit to how anxious I must have been feeling.

Some days my stomach felt like there was a "pit" in it; a heaviness. I know I've been  struggling with depression and there were days - that is how I felt internally - depressed.

My doctor and therapy appointments were good - I was progressing! But why was I feeling so empty inside?

The last couple of appointments have been different. I left them with a greater sense of hope and expectancy.

Throughout this journey, I know I've had hope: God's hope and His presence, His provision and His care. I am - and have been - completely in His hands.

NOT that my doctors and therapists have been hopeless - because they haven't been. They've been supportive, encouraging and helpful. BUT the last couple of appointments I have felt hope had been extended to me. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and no - it is not a train.

There is talk about and a process to getting back to work; to driving again; and even to riding a bike again.

I did believe I was going to be able to do these things again, but in some ways I think I was beginning to doubt those possibilities.

What am I feeling inside of me this morning? I am feeling hope, happiness, peace, satisfaction, gratefulness and joy.

One of my favorite recording artists is Chris Tomlin. I appreciate the words of his songs. This weekend I have designated as "Chris Tomlin Weekend." I am predominantly, if not completely, listening to his music. I am also memorizing a group of verses from the Scriptures: Psalm 37:1-8. I have memorized up to verse 6. Not bad for someone who had a major brain injury and has struggles with memory issues.

Have a Nice Journey!

Those were the words from a gentleman gathering his possessions that went through the x-ray contraption that my possessions went through at Sacramento International Airport.

I was preparing to board a flight to Southern California to attend a conference in early 2008. The thing is that I found the man's greeting interesting. I know that numerous people have extended greetings for a 'nice trip' or 'nice flight,' but I don't think ever for a 'nice journey.'

Those words have remained with me for quite awhile, because they were so apropos. We're really on a journey, aren't we? That particular trip was actually going to equip me with important tools for the journey that God had me on.

Journeys are interesting. I remember taking some as a child with my family, and really thinking we were lost. It was a tad frightening for my young mind to comprehend at times; but my parents - my father in particular - were always full of words of reassurance.

The past nine months have held an unexpected leg of my journey - being hit by a car; experiencing a coma and various physical hurts, aches, and pains, challenges with my memory and physical limitations; rest stops; filling of the fuel tank; laughter and tears. It has been a tad frightening at times - but my Heavenly Father in particular - has been extending words of hope, encouragement and reassurance.

Honestly though, I haven't always taken those words to heart. Over the past few weeks, I have felt physically not well (a touch of the flu maybe?); I've been weary; I've been discouraged and even depressed.

I don't like to share those things, because so much good has happened that I feel selfish. I should be grateful for all the good, all the healing, and for all the encouragement I have received.

I am grateful, but I am recognizing, too, that there are hard times.

This weekend was a positive one: appointments were positive, I had some very good conversations with friends, I felt physically better, I got to watch basketball, and the University of Washington men's basketball team made it into the NCAA playoffs: March Madness!

I don't have a date set to go back to work yet and that's okay, but we're definitely moving in the right direction. I've struggled with 'how long' I feel everything has taken: nine months. (I don't think I'd do very well as a pregnant woman.)

People are constantly encouraging me that my progress has been going well and has gone quickly. I know I don't fully comprehend how seriously hurt I was (maybe because I was unconscious during a lot of it). I am trying to take those encouragements to heart and realize that God has done a lot in a 'relatively' short amount of time.

I have a follow-up appointment with a doctor next week where we might get a handle on when I can return to work. A couple of doctors I met with last week were very encouraged with my progress.

Regarding the road map for journeys, there are rarely times that one doesn't experience delays, detours, and distractions; but they then get to their destination and often with added memories and stories to tell.

There will be a lot to share about this leg of the journey: God's faithfulness, love, care, provision, and presence will fill in a lot of the blanks.

What a Week!

Do you ever have stuff going on in your life, you keep walking through it, and then you hit some milestones and you hadn't realized how much it was weighing on you? That was my week. A couple of things took place that I knew would be coming at sometime, and I was completely exhausted when they were over.

The first was the sentencing hearing for the young woman who while driving her car, struck my friend, Kathy, and me while on our bikes.

On Monday, before the judge, the young woman, and a full courthouse, Kathy, Vickie, my sister Theresa, and I all read victim impact statements. The woman's mom, as well as a friend of her, and the young woman also read statements. The gal pleaded guilty and is now in jail for a year, as well as having a number of years probation.

It was a tremendous blessing to have my sister and brother-in-law, David, there with me. I love them so much and it was great to have their encouragement and support. I knew this day was coming, but it was still hard. I haven't gone through anything like that before. I was tired.

On Tuesday, I went to have some long-awaited neuropsych testing done. It was five hours of testing to get a gauge on where I am following the serious brain injury I had. (Next week I will go in to discuss the results with the doctor.) We should be able to gain some sort of idea when I may be able to return to work. This, too, was very tiring.

Some fun things took place this week, too: I made it to a golf driving range to hit golf balls with my friend's husband and son. Yes, it was evident that I haven't played golf in over a year. But the son and I did beat the dad in a putting competition we were having.

Last week I had the opportunity to get into a swimming pool. A friend and I used kick-boards to motor around the pool. It was a good thing I had a kick-board, as I wasn't very fast and I probably would have sunk. It really did feel great to be in the water.

Then today, another friend and I went on our weekly walk. We increased the length of our walk, about a half mile or so.

All these things communicate progress to me. At times it can feel like a long process (which it is), but then I am encouraged when I can grasp hold of some results.

Thanks for your continued prayer and love!

Living with TBI

I guess it's about "blog time" again. I've been pretty inconsistent, but I'm working on it. This has been a good week, with not a lot new going on.

Last week was excellent as my sister came to hang out with me for a week. It was very good to see her. Theresa got a little glimpse of my world, as she was able to take me to a couple of appointments. It was unfortunate to see her leave, but I know she has a busy life to live in Washington.

One of the interesting events that happened was my friend, Vickie, and I were interviewed for an article in the Village Life newspaper (a small local paper in my neck of the woods.) The reporter did a very nice job with the article.

I continue to be involved with a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) Support Group. I think there are six or seven of us who have each experienced a TBI. I am the most recent recipient, but it is encouraging to interact with others who have experienced some of the same challenges that I am experiencing. Sometimes this is a lonely journey, though I have wonderful people supporting and encouraging me.

I have not been cleared to go back to work yet, though the doctor appointment that I need to have looks like it should be set soon. One of the major words in my life - thought no always followed well - is the word "patience." Things just take longer, as well as appointments aren't always when I'd like them to be. It really is okay, as I'm probably trying to push things a little quickly.

Recently I have been reminded that this healing/recovery process will take at least a year. With that, my life will probably begin looking a bit different. Now, I don't know what that all means, but part of it has to do with 'adaptation,' learning to adapt to life after experiencing a major brain injury.

One of the things coming down the road is the sentencing of the young woman who hit my friend, Kathy, and I. The woman pleaded guilty to a couple of charges and will be sentenced on March 2. Please keep me in your prayers as I will have an opportunity to speak at the sentencing. I think I'm doing okay with this, but I do know it is on my mind a lot.

Kathi

It's Still a Long Road!

Recovery continues . . . but it is a process not necessarily according to my timetable. One of the lessons I have learned over these months is that things won't necessarily happen when I want them to, but God is in control and his timing is perfect.

My rehab is almost complete . . . for now - I have the option to return after taking a little break. Even though I really enjoyed those who have served me there, I am going to be glad when this is finished. I am not back at work, and I'm not driving my car, or riding my bike yet. I need to take a special battery of tests that will help my doctors figure out timing on those things. So . . . I wait.

In the meantime, I'm walking a couple of miles everyday, riding my incumbent bike and getting stronger all the time. My sister, Theresa, will be coming for a visit next week, and I'm looking forward to seeing her! 

A few weeks ago, the young woman who hit me, and my friend, Kathy, pled guilty to the charges against her. Her sentencing will be the first week of March. I'm happy the court stuff is coming to an end. I'm happy I'm seeing less doctors. I'm happy my medications are being reduced. These are all good things, but the process still isn't complete. My recovery will probably still continue for a while and the "post-accident" Kathi is trying to adapt to new schedules and new ways of doing some things.

I continue to pray for patience and grace, and God will provide!

Kathi

Seven Month Anniversary

I just returned from my morning walk. It felt great: the sun is shining, it was fairly warm, but there was also a crisp coolness. I think I've begun walking about a mile round-trip. I'm trying to get out there each morning.

This past Sunday (January 18) I was at church and we were standing and singing worship songs to God about His greatness and presence. Then it dawned on me - Sunday was the 7-month anniversary of my accident. I was in awe. I honestly don't remember how bad I was seven months ago, but I do know how well I am doing today. I'm taking fairly long walks, I'm living in my apartment, I'm remembering things better than I was, and I'm feeling good. I'm very grateful for God's goodness to me.

I realize that the things that distract me the most are small, insignificant things that seem to limit my mobility, independence and remind me that I don't have control over everything. Hmmmm. But I have come a long way and I'm grateful to be living, to be walking and thinking. Those are good things. The distractions take my focus off of God and puts the focus on the unwanted thing. That can change ones perspective quite a bit.

A day at a time. One step at a time. It will all add up one day. Keep moving forward. It's a process, a journey. And God is with me every point along the way.

Blessings,

Kathi