Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Words That Hurt, Words That Heal

I am grateful for the recovery and healing that has been a part of my life these past three years. Physically I still wrestle with some aches and pains. My balance has gotten extremely better. Problem-solving has improved a lot too. Memory-wise I still have some short term challenges. Loud noises don't bother my ears as much. I still can get overwhelmed and frustrated at times. When I am with quite a few people, and there are multiple conversations going on, that challenges me and wears me out.

Recently I was talking to a dear friend, who I had asked to share with me about areas she saw that I still needed to be aware of and focus on.

My intention was to listen and take her words to heart. Unfortunately that is not what happened. She began sharing some things I was not aware of and I responded with anger. I was mad and upset. I yelled at my friend and swore at her. I was totally an idiot and out of place.

Here she was given the permission to share with me, but I reacted totally inappropriately. I broke her trust and her friendship. I apologized and she accepted my apology, but I still hurt my friend. I think that is the hardest part of what I have to live with.

My initial feelings were that I wasn't doing as well as I thought. That is wrong, because God has brought me a long way, but He also showed me that day of areas in my life that need continued healing and transformation.

My friend's words hurt, but they were truth. I am thankful for what she shared with me, as it has enabled me to be aware of things i need to be aware of. Also, it enables me to adapt and adjust in these areas. Change takes focusing on areas of our lives and begin to make the necessary adjustments.

It also takes accountability. I have asked a couple of close friends to help me in these areas. I have also shared it with my counselor, so that she can help me work through these too.

Am I doing well? Yes I am. I also know that continued transformation is necessary and is happening. Some of the things we have to work on, aren't necessarily the areas we personally see. But God places people in our lives, like my friend, who share the hard things that help lead to continued healing, recovery, and transformation.

Thank you my friend, I love and appreciate you!