Success Part II

June 18, 2009 marks the one-year anniversary of a horrific accident that I was involved in. My life nearly ended after I was hit by a car while riding my bicycle. Much of the past year is a blur. I've had plenty of good times and have made tremendous progress on the rehabilitation journey. But the recovery is still in process. Some days I feel incredibly good and optimistic, but I have to admit that there are some days that are hard, slow and discouraging.

Many people have been a part of the healing process. I have had some disappointments and limitations. My physical and mental healing have made great strides, but there is still plenty of room to go (though I tend to be in denial of how far I probably have yet to go).

Before my accident, I didn't think I knew anyone who had suffered a brain injury, but I was wrong. My mom suffered a stroke, and my brother had complications (an infection) following surgery that impacted his brain. My cousin's daughter suffered a traumatic brain injury a couple years ago as a result of a car accident. Of those people, I didn't fully grasp the challenges that come from having an injury to one's brain, but there are many. I still don't fully comprehend the injury I sustained, but hopefully I am learning.

I am a person who enjoys anniversaries and special dates. I am extremely grateful for this anniversary. God has been incredibly faithful over this past year. Though there is much I don't remember of June 2008 - June 2009, I'm sure it is a year that I won't forget.

Has this been a successful year?

I don't believe achieving success means that one doesn't experience pain, loss, disappointment or failure. I've experienced all those things this past year. I've made many mistakes, but I am grateful to be alive and know that God is doing a work within my character and enabling me to trust and honor Him.

Success.

Blessings,

Kathi

Note from family: It has been one long year, but we are so grateful for the love and support from each and every one of you. We appreciate all the prayers, meals, gifts and cards . . . and most of all, loving us through this. God has blessed us with an outcome we hoped for, prayed for and dreamed of - to God be the glory! Great things he has done!

How Do You Spell SUCCESS (Part 1)

It has been nearly one year since I sustained a horrific accident - nearly dying after a motorist and her car collided with me while I was riding my bicycle. Though I am recovering quite nicely, there are days I still allow myself to become frustrated, impatient, and even angry. I still have some hiccups with my memory and brain functions. My stamina is increasing, but still needs to increase. I do need to get the doctor to sign off on my return to work.

I'm not necessarily fond of my limitations, the speed in which I do things is slower. BUT, I am living independently, I am driving my car again, I've made a trip to Disneyland, I have meaningful conversations, I go to my wonderful church each week, and this week, I rode on a bicycle again! People comment on how good I am looking. I eat food without drooling.

There is no doubt that this is tremendous progress, but is it success?

Some days I ask myself: what will success look like on this journey? Is it the things I've listed above? Is it getting back to work? Is it doing now (responsibility-wise) what I did before the accident? Is it having complete healing in my brain? Is it not experiencing pain, discomfort, and/or limitations physically? Is it being alive?

How would you answer those questions? How would you define success?

Please know that I am celebrating the progress that has been made - I am incredibly grateful to God for His healing, His provision, His grace, His love, His care, His goodness and more! I want to be a woman of faith, who not only celebrates the past and what God has done, but trusts Him with the future, whatever that looks like.

Thank you to those who have been a part of this recovery journey: through your prayers, your time, your giving of resources, you encouragement and your unwavering support. It means a lot to me.

Blessings!

Kathi

How Many Steps Does It Take?

Today I was on a bicycle for the first time in nearly one year. In my mind, my expectations were that I would sit on the bike, get things adjusted as needed, have some "spotters" for a little while, and then ride the bike like I did last June.

Were my expectations too high?

I did get on the bike and my dear "spotters" helped me with balance and getting used to the seat and the bike. Adjustments were made as needed. But it wasn't that easy - it was hard. When I began peddling the bike with my dear friends helping out, it was a struggle, I think mainly with balance. I was nervous, as well as I was much more afraid than I thought I would be. I was impatient with myself and with the process. I wanted this day to come and get right back out there riding - but that didn't exactly happen.

My expectations were too high.

My friends were incredible supporters and cheerleaders. Where I thought I failed, they were so excited for me. As I explained the experience with my physical therapist, Felicia, she was happy for me and said "its' the first step. A step at a time."

A lot of this recovery process has been "a step at a time," but I usually don't want it to take that long. It is not failure to take a step at a time, but progress - progress in the right direction .

Are you in the midst of some sort of process? Remember to take a step at a time . . . and celebrate the steps you are able to take.

Blessings,

Kathi

Stop Mommy, It Hurts!

I knew something wasn't quite right as he made his way through the front door. On his back were a bunch of prickly little things, as well as on his tummy. Spike - my cat - must have found a lovely little place outside to lay in and roll around in.

I was able to get some of the things off his back, but because Spike has a sensitive tummy, he wouldn't let me at those. I found his little brush and was able to work many of the things off his back, and then I turned him over. But the growl Spike made, as well as the showing of his claws and teeth, I knew Spike wasn't very happy about his endeavor. I felt like he was saying to me, "stop mommy, this hurts." But couldn't he tell I was trying to help him?

That got me think: how often I have complained, growled, shown my claws and fangs in this recovery process. "Stop God, this hurts," I might be saying. God might just be responding, "Can't you tell I am trying to help you?"

The little aches, pains, delays and inconveniences I'm walking through don't always feel good, but they are a part of the healing/recovery process. They are good things, like me trying to remove little thorns from Spike's tummy. Maybe I'll see, like Spike, that after the thorns are gone, it will feel better.

I do know the reality that all my aches, pains, and inconveniences may not all go away, but through the process I am learning about God's care and provision - that will never go away.

The 49er Club

When I was young girl, growing up in the Seattle area with my family, I was already a sports fan. There was a point in time, due to the lack of professional teams in Seattle then, that I was a fairly significant San Francisco 49ers fan. Those wee the days when John Brodie was playing. (I was a John Brodie fan.) But in due time, we got "our team" and loyalties transferred.

I do have to say I have joined a 49ers club this year - not that one in the Bay Area - but I recently had my 49th birthday.

In a birthday card I received from a friend in Hawaii, she wrote, "What a special birthday this is for you! Being there were a few days last year when it was rather tenuous as to whether or not you'd see this birthday! But I am so happy to be sending this card because that means my life is blessed because you're still in it! (Yes, it's all about me - even on your birthday.)" THANKS T2! CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU.

I am happy about having been able to celebrate this year's birthday. A few of my friends here have joined The 49er Club too, so we're each pounding a little harder on the door to 50! We've been encouraging on another, supporting one another, and growing older together. That is a good thing. It has been a tough year for me - a year that has zoomed by quickly; and a year holding things which I was not expecting. But in reality there has been much good this year. Experiencing God's love, mercy, healing, grace and provision. Experiencing the love and care of family (my sisters, brother-in-law, brother, niece and nephew) and many friends.

I am continuing to feel better physically and mentally, but I do know that I am still on the road to recovery. This type of road is not one that I would have necessarily signed up for, but I am grateful for that God is doing in me, as well as how He has used this in some people's lives. Blessing and gifts from an unexpected route on the journey.

Disneyland 2009!

Last week I had a great opportunity to do something that I haven't done in about 20 years: go to Disneyland! I can honestly say that things, as I remember, have changed a tad, though it is basically the same place - the happiest place on earth.

My friends, Steve & Vickie, and I drove (well, Vic and I rode); my brother in law, sister and niece flew from Seattle to meet us. My niece, Emma (just 11 years old) was quite the animal on the rides. I'm so glad that my brother-in-law, Dave, was there so that he, not me, could accompany Em. I did go on a good shares of rides myself. I did enjoy "Soaring Over California," "California Screaming," (though my eyes were closed a good portion of the time) and the Buzz Lightyear laser tag game. The one time I rode the "Tower of Terror" was good enough for me - been there, done that! Good family/friends, good food, and good fun made for a wonderful week. I do have to admit, I came home a little tired.

This week doesn't quite have the schedule as last week, though a couple of rehab appointments, counseling and Brain Gain workshop will keep me busy and I am sure will hold plenty of good times as well - all helping me on this road of recovery.

Mother's Day: A Special Day Set Aside for Special People

April 16 of this year marked the 10th anniversary of my mom passing away. My mom was an interesting person, though there was much more to her than I ever knew. This morning, as well as the past few days, thoughts of my mom have been on my mind. What have I been thinking?

1. My mom loved her three children to the best of her ability.
2. My mom loved her two grandchildren very, very much.
3. I am so grateful that besides knowing her grandson, Cody, before she passed away, my mom had a year with her granddaughter, Emma. My mom loved Cody and Emma very much.
4. My mom had a very recognizable laugh and she had a twinkle in her eyes when she smiled. (I miss those things.)
5. My mom had a generous heart.
6. My mom was a big sports fan and we went to a San Francisco Giants baseball game together at Candlestick Park; our only time to see a game at that ballpark.
7. When I moved to California the first time, we would have weekly phone calls - if not more than once a week.
8. And I have also been thinking - I would have like more time with her, but I am thankful for what time I did have.

I am learning in my life, and through my recovery from this accident, I too often focus on the wrong things. I have focused too much on what my limitations still are, instead of celebrating the victories - matter how small they seem to me. My mom didn't have the easiest of lives. She didn't have a lot of self-confidence, but she was a good person. When my mom was alive, as her child, I wanted her to be 'different.' I focused too much on the limitations I felt my mom had and what I felt she wasn't doing (or doing enough of). As a result, there was much that I missed out on. I want to see life - mine and others - through different eyes/lenses.

One thing that I am grateful for is that my mom was in heaven at the time of my accident. My accident and lengthy recovery would have been incredibly difficult for her, so she was in the perfect place to see all that God has done, and is doing, throughout this process.

God, thank You so much for my mom that You gave me. This Mother's Day I celebrate her and I worship You for her.