Recovery Progress

I had another moment where I realized I am continuing to make recovery progress.

I was at church Saturday evening and my friend sitting next to me made a statement about the loudness of the music. The sound level was bothering her, but it wasn't bothering me.

I say that because due to my brain injury, louder noises have bothered my ears. There were times at church when I would wear ear plugs. I don't know how loud the music really is, as I am not a good gauge due to my injury.

The cool thing this weekend was that the noise level was not bothering my ears! That is progress. There are some loud noises that still bother me, but progress has been made. I am very grateful for that.

I have also been encouraged by the reports of progress that Congresswoman Giffords has been making since suffering her brain injury from the gunshot. Her recovery too will be a day-by-day recovery. Please pray for her and her family. It is a long road they have ahead of themselves.

Thank You Sometimes Doesn't Seem Enough

When someone does something for us our natural response is to say thank you. Most of us learned that pretty early on from our parents.

Thank you is a very good thing to say, though sometimes it seems too small of a word to say. Is there a better word?

I am not sure if there is or not, but lately as I have been pondering the incredible road for recovery of my injuries, saying Thank You to God doesn't seem enough. I know I don't take it lightly and I don't want to communicate it lightly back to Him. He knows my heart, so I recognize that He understands.

I was thinking today that even though the word can sometimes feel insignificant, I can seek to live a life that reflects my thanksgiving.

With my life, it is not seeking to earn or deserve what God has chosen to do, but it would be responding to what He has done. That I seek to live my life with love, gratitude, compassion, hope, thanksgiving, and more. To respond to the gifts that God has bestowed on my life.

THANK YOU GOD!

The Only Thing Consistent is...

As we are now fully into year 2011 I suppose we can be confident in one of the consistencies of life: change will come.

Change is all around us; it doesn't just happen to me or to you. It happens to all of us. When change occurs, especially something that is very familiar to us, it can seem that change is wrong or bad. But is it?

Watching college football games on New Year's Day, I realized that concept has changed a lot. It is different, it was okay.

The University of Connecticut women's basketball team has entered the New Year with a change: they are no longer undefeated (they did have a record 90 game winning streak), but they lost to Stanford on Dec. 30. I know it happened, as I was able to be an eyewitness to the event, as I attended the game.

The sports changes are minor, compared to the changes that we face in our personal lives and families. But there are changes that we will face this year.

There have been a ton of changes in my life the past 2-1/2 years. Some of the changes I did not want to happen, but as time has gone by, I see the good that has come out of the change. It has required me to adapt and adjust; it has required me to adapt my focus from what was, to what is; as well on Whom I focus.

Do I miss the things that have changed? Yes, at times I do, but my focus is not just on the thing, but on God who has allowed change to take place. He is faithful. He is good. He loves me. He desires what is best for me. He has a plan for my life. He is in control. I can TRUST HIM with the changes.

Change is usually not one of our favorite things in life, but God who is in control is One we can trust because HE NEVER CHANGES! The God who was faithful in the familiar and comfortable, will continue to be faithful in what we do not know or understand.

Foggy, Hazy, Clearer...

After I graduated from college, I began to sense there was a need for me to get glasses. Sure enough, I got my eyes examined and I have been wearing glasses ever since. It was amazing how great things now looked!

A funny thing is, I did not know how out of focus things were until I started wearing my glasses. It was amazing how clear things became.

As it has been nearly 2-1/2 years since I sustained my TBI, I have begun realizing something: as my brain has healed quite a bit, it is interesting how much "clearer" my brain is now, compared to when I began my recovery. I used to think things were going quite well, actually I am finding I thought things were much clearer, though I was pretty much in a fog.

I guess it would be described like this: FOGGY: back in the early days of recovery, things were foggy. Growing up in the Seattle area, we had fog a lot. That can be nasty stuff. HAZY: Then things began to make more sense, I could understand more things, I could begin to interact better. CLEARER: Now things are clearer. I recognize my so-called "vision" is not a 100%, but it is clearer. I am processing and making decisions better, I am thinking through things more, and I recognize some of my deficits better (though that is an area still needing improving.)

Just as my vision improved with my glasses, my brain is adapting and adjusting to the new normal we are working with. I am grateful for the continued process God has me going through.

Fanny Crosby

Why do we need to go through challenges,limitations, and struggles? I am not sure why we must, part of it may be due to the fact that we live in a 'fallen', imperfect world. I do recognize that our challenges can be used for good in our lives and in the lives of others. I suppose if we have questions such as these, they may be placed on the "questions to ask God" list when I see Him face to face.

On December 9 in the devotional book "Streams in the Desert" there was an entry that included something about Fanny Crosby, it said: "Joy sometimes needs pain to give it birth. Fanny Crosby could never have written her beautiful hymn, "I shall see Him face-to-face," were it not for the fact that she had never looked upon the green fields nor the evening sunset nor the kindly twinkle in her mother's eye. It was the loss of her own vision that helped her to gain her remarkable spiritual discernment."

Since sustaining my brain injury and other physical challenges I have, I have wondered, what is next? Recently I have concluded in my heart and mind that I am suppose to work with brain injury survivors and caregivers. I have come to understand that there is a great need in this area. There are thousands of us survivors who walk around with limited resources, helps, and support.

I would have never learned this, nor be a good candidate to serve in this area, if I had not walked through my own brain injury. To recognize that this is where I want to serve, to help bring exposure, and maybe even finances to is huge and has given me a renewed sense of purpose and mission.

Will I ask God about this when I see Him face-to-face? I'm not sure, but I have a feeling that when I do see Him and reach for the list of questions in my back pocket, that my questions won't matter as much -- they may even be gone. When I am in His perfect presence, my guess is that things will make a lot more sense.

Problem Solving

One of the areas of my life that had deficits from my brain injury was problem solving. It was a challenge for me to recognize, work through, and solve a problem I might come up against. That is not to say that I was an excellent problem solver pre-injury, but I became challenged in this area.

The problems did not have to be enormous to have struggles with problem solving, so when I congratulate myself these days on some of the problems I've solved, they can seem kind of silly to me. But they are not silly for me, they are signs of progress. I solved a problem with my shower curtain liner the other day. I solved a problem with my car's windshield wiper today. I solved some challenges as I attempted to make some Christmas cookies these past couple of days. A friend of mine helped to be the answer to one of my problems.

It is challenging at times to not be able to comprehend how serious my brain injury was, because that hinders me in appreciating the healing and strides that have been made. As I recognize problems that I solve, I have begun to congratulate myself; to give myself credit. Others may not understand and that is okay, but God and I do.

Sometimes my problem solving is recognizing I cannot do it and need to ask for help. Yes, that can be humbling, but people are more willing to help then we are to ask.

Problems will be with us always and to be able to work through those things are a tremendous gift.

Hope for the Holidays

We often hear about "home for the holidays", which is a very nice place to be. Isn't it nice to have hope during this time as well? The Christmas season, as many of us have experienced on occasion, can be kind of frantic. Our hope often being that we make it through this season in one piece.

Over the past couple of years I have been learning more about hope. My hope is not based in my circumstances, but in a perfect, loving God.

What am I hoping for this Christmas? To continue to grow in my relationship with Jesus; to have a wonderful celebration with my siblings and family; that my heart would be filled with love, peace, joy, and thanksgiving.

May your heart be filled with hope this Christmas season. Yes, God loves us deeply and completely. Sometimes our circumstances may say to us "how can God love me?" The truth and reality is that He does love us.

Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones.