Fanny Crosby

Why do we need to go through challenges,limitations, and struggles? I am not sure why we must, part of it may be due to the fact that we live in a 'fallen', imperfect world. I do recognize that our challenges can be used for good in our lives and in the lives of others. I suppose if we have questions such as these, they may be placed on the "questions to ask God" list when I see Him face to face.

On December 9 in the devotional book "Streams in the Desert" there was an entry that included something about Fanny Crosby, it said: "Joy sometimes needs pain to give it birth. Fanny Crosby could never have written her beautiful hymn, "I shall see Him face-to-face," were it not for the fact that she had never looked upon the green fields nor the evening sunset nor the kindly twinkle in her mother's eye. It was the loss of her own vision that helped her to gain her remarkable spiritual discernment."

Since sustaining my brain injury and other physical challenges I have, I have wondered, what is next? Recently I have concluded in my heart and mind that I am suppose to work with brain injury survivors and caregivers. I have come to understand that there is a great need in this area. There are thousands of us survivors who walk around with limited resources, helps, and support.

I would have never learned this, nor be a good candidate to serve in this area, if I had not walked through my own brain injury. To recognize that this is where I want to serve, to help bring exposure, and maybe even finances to is huge and has given me a renewed sense of purpose and mission.

Will I ask God about this when I see Him face-to-face? I'm not sure, but I have a feeling that when I do see Him and reach for the list of questions in my back pocket, that my questions won't matter as much -- they may even be gone. When I am in His perfect presence, my guess is that things will make a lot more sense.

Problem Solving

One of the areas of my life that had deficits from my brain injury was problem solving. It was a challenge for me to recognize, work through, and solve a problem I might come up against. That is not to say that I was an excellent problem solver pre-injury, but I became challenged in this area.

The problems did not have to be enormous to have struggles with problem solving, so when I congratulate myself these days on some of the problems I've solved, they can seem kind of silly to me. But they are not silly for me, they are signs of progress. I solved a problem with my shower curtain liner the other day. I solved a problem with my car's windshield wiper today. I solved some challenges as I attempted to make some Christmas cookies these past couple of days. A friend of mine helped to be the answer to one of my problems.

It is challenging at times to not be able to comprehend how serious my brain injury was, because that hinders me in appreciating the healing and strides that have been made. As I recognize problems that I solve, I have begun to congratulate myself; to give myself credit. Others may not understand and that is okay, but God and I do.

Sometimes my problem solving is recognizing I cannot do it and need to ask for help. Yes, that can be humbling, but people are more willing to help then we are to ask.

Problems will be with us always and to be able to work through those things are a tremendous gift.

Hope for the Holidays

We often hear about "home for the holidays", which is a very nice place to be. Isn't it nice to have hope during this time as well? The Christmas season, as many of us have experienced on occasion, can be kind of frantic. Our hope often being that we make it through this season in one piece.

Over the past couple of years I have been learning more about hope. My hope is not based in my circumstances, but in a perfect, loving God.

What am I hoping for this Christmas? To continue to grow in my relationship with Jesus; to have a wonderful celebration with my siblings and family; that my heart would be filled with love, peace, joy, and thanksgiving.

May your heart be filled with hope this Christmas season. Yes, God loves us deeply and completely. Sometimes our circumstances may say to us "how can God love me?" The truth and reality is that He does love us.

Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones.

God's Mowing Our Souls

Thank God that He "mows the lawn" of our souls; that He works to transform our souls, to develop us into the people He wants us to be: transforming us into the image of His Son.

Yesterday I witnessed a beautiful picture. A friend was mowing a portion of his lawn in the front yard of his home and he had his young grandson with him.

As he was walking and pushing the lawn mower with one hand, he was holding the hand of his grandson who was walking next to him.

It was a sweet picture of love, trust, and friendship. Plus the lawn was getting mowed! This man does a tremendous job in caring for his yard. It must have been even more fulfilling to do this with his grandson at his side.

God is holding our hand. He is with us, as we are walking through times of hardship, pruning, and transforming. He does not leave us, He remains with us.

The joy that must be found in God's heart to be with His child. Joy that is not found just in walking with us through the "mowing of our souls" times, but walking with us day by day, moment by moment.

The joy that was displayed by the grandson, may it be found in us as well. As we walk hand in hand with our Abba Father.

Beauty in the Place of Tragedy

Today I was driving along El Dorado Hills blvd. and there were some incredibly beautiful trees that have vibrants colors of red, orange, and yellow. they look awesome.

It was near the same spot just over two years ago that a friend and I were both hit by a car. We both sustained serious, life-threatening injuries.

As I drove by I was so grateful to see life and beauty, not just a place where tragedy struck. the drive caused me to praise and thank God for the life He has continued to give my friend Kathy and me.

Beauty is a much grander picture then tragedy. God does bring good out of bad and hard situations.

Progress Markers

Though I still struggle with "hiccups" in my recovery, there still is wonderful progress. Sometimes it can seem silly to me at some of the things I get excited about, but it is nice to get excited about some things. Here are a few of the progress markers I experienced this past week:
Leaving a message for a friend, I told her to call me, but I didn't tell her what it was about. She called the next morning and asked me why I called. I didn't write it down, but I was able to remember the reason for my call. PROGRESS!

Sudoku puzzles have been a fave of mine, but also have been part of my recovery. I completed four different levels of puzzles one morning, easy to hard. PROGRESS!

Crossword puzzles are another brain exercise for me. The other day I re-opened a crossword puzzle book and was able to answer some of the questions I hadn't been able to answer before. PROGRESS!

My car driving (and remembering how to get to places), re-learning to ride my bicycle and seeing continued PROGRESS in that area, and feeling mentally stronger are incredible PROGRESS markers. I thank God for all He has done, as well as the strength and courage that He gives me to keep moving forward.

I am slower in many areas, but I guess that isn't so bad, at least I am moving forward.
>PROGRESS -- PRAISE GOD!

What is the Gauge for Success?

From the day I became aware of my need for recovery from a brain injury, one of my main thoughts was getting back to my work at Lakeside Church. Would getting back to my work be the gauge for my success in my recovery?

When my brain began remembering things again - especially people's names -- was that the gauge for my success in my recovery?

When I began driving an automobile again (with utter enjoyment), was that the gauge for my success in my recovery?

When I began to desire to be back on a bicycle again, when I had the opportunity to learn to ride a tandem bicycle and my riding partner and I completed a 65 mile ride that was purely awesome! Was the tandem bicycle riding the gauge for my success in my recovery?

I have now completed three "solo" rides of various mileage (11 miles being the furthest post-injury) and I have three rides set on my calendar: is bicycle riding "solo" my gauge for success in my recovery?

The situations listed above I think have often been seen as points of success for me in my recovery: by me, as well as by others. But are they?

Not being able to return to my work at Lakeside Church did not happen, so does that mean recovery has not been successful? No, it has meant a new direction of ministry for me.

I do believe each of those things (and the many other things) I have experienced are gauges for something, but I am not sure if it is success. I have been thinking about this a lot and I think I have come up with my answer:

I think these things are gauges of PROGRESS and PROGRESS IS SUCCESS!

Progress may seem really big (like riding a bicycle again, like driving a car again, and like remembering more things), but they each have taken steps to get there. Progress is a lifelong process. We each, injury or not, make progress each day. We need to celebrate the progress and the steps that we successfully take.

Thanks to you all who have celebrated these steps of progress with me. You help keep me going, because sometimes the days are hard. I celebrate you too!