Stop Mommy, It Hurts!

I knew something wasn't quite right as he made his way through the front door. On his back were a bunch of prickly little things, as well as on his tummy. Spike - my cat - must have found a lovely little place outside to lay in and roll around in.

I was able to get some of the things off his back, but because Spike has a sensitive tummy, he wouldn't let me at those. I found his little brush and was able to work many of the things off his back, and then I turned him over. But the growl Spike made, as well as the showing of his claws and teeth, I knew Spike wasn't very happy about his endeavor. I felt like he was saying to me, "stop mommy, this hurts." But couldn't he tell I was trying to help him?

That got me think: how often I have complained, growled, shown my claws and fangs in this recovery process. "Stop God, this hurts," I might be saying. God might just be responding, "Can't you tell I am trying to help you?"

The little aches, pains, delays and inconveniences I'm walking through don't always feel good, but they are a part of the healing/recovery process. They are good things, like me trying to remove little thorns from Spike's tummy. Maybe I'll see, like Spike, that after the thorns are gone, it will feel better.

I do know the reality that all my aches, pains, and inconveniences may not all go away, but through the process I am learning about God's care and provision - that will never go away.

The 49er Club

When I was young girl, growing up in the Seattle area with my family, I was already a sports fan. There was a point in time, due to the lack of professional teams in Seattle then, that I was a fairly significant San Francisco 49ers fan. Those wee the days when John Brodie was playing. (I was a John Brodie fan.) But in due time, we got "our team" and loyalties transferred.

I do have to say I have joined a 49ers club this year - not that one in the Bay Area - but I recently had my 49th birthday.

In a birthday card I received from a friend in Hawaii, she wrote, "What a special birthday this is for you! Being there were a few days last year when it was rather tenuous as to whether or not you'd see this birthday! But I am so happy to be sending this card because that means my life is blessed because you're still in it! (Yes, it's all about me - even on your birthday.)" THANKS T2! CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU.

I am happy about having been able to celebrate this year's birthday. A few of my friends here have joined The 49er Club too, so we're each pounding a little harder on the door to 50! We've been encouraging on another, supporting one another, and growing older together. That is a good thing. It has been a tough year for me - a year that has zoomed by quickly; and a year holding things which I was not expecting. But in reality there has been much good this year. Experiencing God's love, mercy, healing, grace and provision. Experiencing the love and care of family (my sisters, brother-in-law, brother, niece and nephew) and many friends.

I am continuing to feel better physically and mentally, but I do know that I am still on the road to recovery. This type of road is not one that I would have necessarily signed up for, but I am grateful for that God is doing in me, as well as how He has used this in some people's lives. Blessing and gifts from an unexpected route on the journey.

Disneyland 2009!

Last week I had a great opportunity to do something that I haven't done in about 20 years: go to Disneyland! I can honestly say that things, as I remember, have changed a tad, though it is basically the same place - the happiest place on earth.

My friends, Steve & Vickie, and I drove (well, Vic and I rode); my brother in law, sister and niece flew from Seattle to meet us. My niece, Emma (just 11 years old) was quite the animal on the rides. I'm so glad that my brother-in-law, Dave, was there so that he, not me, could accompany Em. I did go on a good shares of rides myself. I did enjoy "Soaring Over California," "California Screaming," (though my eyes were closed a good portion of the time) and the Buzz Lightyear laser tag game. The one time I rode the "Tower of Terror" was good enough for me - been there, done that! Good family/friends, good food, and good fun made for a wonderful week. I do have to admit, I came home a little tired.

This week doesn't quite have the schedule as last week, though a couple of rehab appointments, counseling and Brain Gain workshop will keep me busy and I am sure will hold plenty of good times as well - all helping me on this road of recovery.

Mother's Day: A Special Day Set Aside for Special People

April 16 of this year marked the 10th anniversary of my mom passing away. My mom was an interesting person, though there was much more to her than I ever knew. This morning, as well as the past few days, thoughts of my mom have been on my mind. What have I been thinking?

1. My mom loved her three children to the best of her ability.
2. My mom loved her two grandchildren very, very much.
3. I am so grateful that besides knowing her grandson, Cody, before she passed away, my mom had a year with her granddaughter, Emma. My mom loved Cody and Emma very much.
4. My mom had a very recognizable laugh and she had a twinkle in her eyes when she smiled. (I miss those things.)
5. My mom had a generous heart.
6. My mom was a big sports fan and we went to a San Francisco Giants baseball game together at Candlestick Park; our only time to see a game at that ballpark.
7. When I moved to California the first time, we would have weekly phone calls - if not more than once a week.
8. And I have also been thinking - I would have like more time with her, but I am thankful for what time I did have.

I am learning in my life, and through my recovery from this accident, I too often focus on the wrong things. I have focused too much on what my limitations still are, instead of celebrating the victories - matter how small they seem to me. My mom didn't have the easiest of lives. She didn't have a lot of self-confidence, but she was a good person. When my mom was alive, as her child, I wanted her to be 'different.' I focused too much on the limitations I felt my mom had and what I felt she wasn't doing (or doing enough of). As a result, there was much that I missed out on. I want to see life - mine and others - through different eyes/lenses.

One thing that I am grateful for is that my mom was in heaven at the time of my accident. My accident and lengthy recovery would have been incredibly difficult for her, so she was in the perfect place to see all that God has done, and is doing, throughout this process.

God, thank You so much for my mom that You gave me. This Mother's Day I celebrate her and I worship You for her.

Mercy, Mercy, Mercy!

Monday was a special day, as Vickie and I made a visit to Mercy General Hospital in Sacramento. Mercy was the hospital where I stayed from early July until towards the end of August. It was here that I had the opportunity to have some wonderful nurses and rehab specialists do their tremendous work on me. They were used to help me make great strides in my recovery.

It was an incredible feeling to walk into the section where I spent that time - being recognized, glad to be seen, and to encourage those who were there. I recognized a number of staff (though I didn't remember all their names), the wing of the hospital was familiar and memories . . . some of them very funny . . . came to mind.

The men and women who work in the rehab department of Mercy General are truly gifted. They do a tremendous work on a daily basis to help people like me who are trying to make their way back to living somewhat of a normal life. (Yet, I'm sure without a lot of credit.) They were glad to see me and communicated that they don't always have the opportunity to re-connect with those they've helped. I was happy to see them too; they were such a blessing to me.

I think another visit will be in order one day.

On Sunday I had the opportunity to attend a service at the church in Elk Grove where I spent about eight years on staff. It was great to visit and see a number of people I knew - some who I haven't seen in a very long time. A lot of changes have taken place since I left, but they're good changes. What hasn't changed are the friendly, loving people who worship God there.

THANKS, GOD, FOR A TREMENDOUS WEEKEND! IT WAS SUCH A BLESSING TO ME TO BE ABLE TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD A TREMENDOUS IMPACT IN MY LIFE. I think that might just be mercy!

DRIVE AGAIN? DRIVE AGAIN!

The words "DRIVE AGAIN" have a couple of connotations for me. One it is the name of an organization that assists people who have been unable to drive for mobility reasons to possibly begin to drive. Secondly, it was something I have really wanted to do. I hadn't driven a car in about ten months. The thought had crossed my mind once or twice whether I would be able to drive again . . . ever. This past Sunday I had the opportunity to drive again!

I worked with a man by the name of Duane, an Occupational Therapist, who conducted some tests - about an hour to and hour-and-a-half. He was very pleased with how I did. Then, came the exciting part: to go driving. I drove Duane's equipped car and we eventually made it to Roseville and then back to El Dorado Hills.

How did it feel? It felt normal; it felt good; it felt relaxing (for the most part). Duane told me that he would have realized that I hadn't driven in such a long time, along with having my injury, if he had not already known. WOW!

After the class I was excited, I was encouraged, and I was fairly tired - all good stuff. Passing this evaluation was huge for me; it was another positive step in the recovery process.

On Wednesday of this week I have an appointment with a physical therapist who will be looking at my knee that was injured a tad in the accident. I've been having some aches and pains (nothing too severe), so we'll see what I can be doing to strengthen the knee, if that is what needs to happen. Then on Thursday I have an appointment with the Department of Rehabilitation that helps people getting back into the workforce. I really don't know what to expect at this meeting, but I'll find out soon enough.

It has been a fairly busy couple of weeks. I'm encouraged and grateful for all that is happening. I have been volunteering at a couple of elementary schools in the area, I had the opportunity to visit with two friends from my hometown in Washington that I haven't seen in quite a few years, and I attended an introductory/informational workshop for a 5-part seminar called the Brain Gain.

All the things listed above are a part of my rehabilitation process . . . positive steps in the right direction.

Kathi

How Was Your Easter?

A week ago, many of us took the opportunity to celebrate Easter. How was your Easter this year? Any different than in years past?

I was a tad concerned because I wasn't sure if I was going to get an Easter basket this year. (Yes, as an adult, there is still a hankering for the chocolate sweetness the Easter basket can bring.) But I was pleasantly surprised: no, I didn't get an Easter basket; I got two of them!

At my church, we had a weekend of Easter. In order to allow as many people as possible to hear the incredible story of God's love and sacrifice for us, Lakeside Church offered Easter gatherings on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Throughout the six worship gatherings over those three days, many people had an opportunity to hear and respond to the message of the death and resurrection of Jesus. An act of sacrifice that was done by God, on behalf of humanity, in order to have a relationship with the people he created.

As I sat and listened, to be honest, I was a tad distracted. A couple of days before Easter, I began looking at some photographs of me taken in the hospital shortly following my accident that took place in June. My body was battered and bruised; my eyes were black, blue and swollen. I had tubes going into me and coming out of me. I was connected to monitors that communicated to medical personnel how I was doing.

It is these pictures that communicate to me how serious my injuries were. I have no recollection otherwise. But it was these pictures that were coming to my mind on Saturday evening. My life on earth nearly ended at that time.

This Easter became very special to me, because I almost wsn't here to be able to celebrate all that God has done for me through His Son, Jesus. Jesus went through a horrific death for me - and for you. But it didn't stop there - Jesus, who had been dead for three days, was raised from the dead. He was alive!

Journal Entry: "At church last night, my accident was constantly on my mind. My mind was flooded with pictures of me following my accident. I almost died. Actually, maybe I really died. (Is that what is called 'metaphorical'?) What if the 'old Kathi' was supposed to die that day, but the 'new Kathi' was to come to life?"

I told someone recently that I wasn't necessarily liking the 'new Kathi' (if that was who I was seeing and/or experiencing). BUT, what if God is showing Kathi a little more clearly the old, icky stuff in her life in order that the 'new Kathi' can emerge from the gunk and to present a 'resurrected Kathi.' (Far, far from God-like, but evidence of God's powerful, transforming work.)

Transformation, that is what God is about doing: working within people's live to change them and bring about a lasting, eternal work that only God can do. Sometimes God uses things like car accidents and physical limitations to do part of that work. God can, and does, a good work in bad or unexplainable accidents. But because of God's character, He can be trusted.

This recovery process has had good days and hard days, but God has been there each step of the way. He continues the physical, mental, and emotional healing aspect of the accident, but He is also doing a work within me that reflects an even deeper healing.

This Easter for me was different for me, not just because of some limitations in my life, but because as someone who faced the prospect of death a little too closely, a deeper appreciation formed in my heart and mind of what Jesus went through on my behalf.