Kathi Sturgeon Updates

NEXT STEP'S LITTLE STEPS

2012-01-05T10:24:00.000-08:00

Things are underway to make the big move to Washington. Departure date is Friday, January 27. An apartment has been secured in Everett. My brother will be moving in on the 27th and I will join him on the 28th after arriving in town. Our sister found this place for us, so it will be great to get there and get all moved in.

There are plenty of steps here to take in preparation for the big step of the move. I have been stepping down from my volunteering. Last week I finished serving in the Acute Rehab Unit at Mercy General. That was an incredible opportunity for me. I will miss them. I have finished serving with P.A.R.T.Y. (Prevent Alcohol and Risk-related Trauma in Youth). That too was a tremendous opportunity I am grateful to have had. I have a couple of more opportunities to share my story at MADD's Victim Impact Panel.

The other steps have to do with packing, which is underway. I don't have a ton of stuff, but plenty to keep me busy. Dear friends will be helping me too.

Speaking of dear friends, that will be the hardest part of leaving, I will miss the wonderful people who have been a wonderful part of my life. I have had an incredible opportunity to experience the love, grace, generosity, forgiveness, care, and much more from so many people. I WILL MISS YOU! But please know, that the Seattle area is a great place to visit. Since I have not lived in that area in a number of years, there is plenty for me to discover, so I would love to play tour guide.

Change is hard, but it's not too bad. It takes adapting and adjusting, but good things come in the midst of change. As well, it is good to have faith in the One who never changes!

The Next Step

2011-12-04T20:32:00.000-08:00

Throughout this journey along the road of recovery, there have been plenty of next steps. Some of those steps may have seemed small and others have seemed quite large. The next step is quite large.

A few months ago I began pondering and praying about a possible move. Well, a decision regarding a move has been made: I will be moving back to my home state of Washington. Though this is a big move, I am at peace about it and looking forward to being near my family again.

There were a couple of reasons to go in this direction and it was the right direction to take. I will miss living in El Dorado Hills. I have been here nearly 6 years and have wonderful friends, incredible doctors and rehab therapists, I am attending a tremendous church, and I have had some great volunteering opportunities.

My scheduled date of departure is January 27. In the meantime, I am finishing up my volunteering, going through my things: packing, repacking, and donating some items, visiting friends, and I have a things to do before I leave CA list started.

Friends will be making the trip with me, which I am incredibly grateful for.

I will try to keep this blog as updated as possible, as progress to making this next step takes place. Though it feels good to leave, it will also be hard to leave. Living and working here has been a tremendous time in my life. Thanks to all who have been a part of my life here, you have been awesome!

ENCOURAGEMENT

2011-11-08T18:47:00.000-08:00

The recovery journey I have been on continues to have it's various challenges, but things are definitely much better. At times it is hard for me to comprehend how far things have come. I have limited memories of when things were quite challenging, and really no memories of when things were at their worst.

There are many things that I am thankful for and encouraged by, they include:
The progress I am able to see in problem solving and decision making. I feel I still have a way to go in this part of recovery, but I have seen progress. I don't get quite as overwhelmed with some decisions to be made or things to figure out, but I keep pressing on.

I have been learning a lot about the waiting process. None of us like to wait, but I am seeing how God is teaching me a lot and transforming me through the waiting. I recognize that not all waiting has to do with me, but there are just some other things that may need to get into place.

I recognize that I do not need to have all the answers, nor to know what is next. There are some answers and some next step things that I am waiting on. That is okay: answers will most likely come (but not necessarily) and when I need to take a next step, I will know what that is and where it is to.

I am thankful for the friends God has given me. This is an area where I have been blessed beyond measure. My friends have been so caring, generous, loving, supportive. grace-filled, and more.

I am also very thankful for my family, but this blog entry is too long, they will get my next entry.

THE IMPORTANCE OF PROGRESS

2011-10-24T11:51:00.000-07:00

Progress is very important, though sometimes we can miss it.

There was a time that progress in my recovery was very evident, as the injuries were so severe. My healing has been miraculous and I praise God for the Healer that He is. Healing and recovery are still coming my way, but sometimes it is not as evident, even to me.

Yesterday at church was a lovely reminder. There are songs that I sing in church where I love to close my eyes so that I can meditate even more so on the words that I am singing. Three years ago I could not close my eyes if I wanted to sing the songs, because I could not remember the words to the songs that I knew I knew.

As I was singing yesterday the remembrance of that reality came to me and it made me smile, because I was singing songs with my eyes closed. Yesterday was not the first time I remembered this reality in my recovery, but it is the first time (I think) that I shared it.

Progress sometimes has come in small steps, but they have come in steps that are headed in the right direction. I want to keep my focus on the progress, no matter how big or small the steps. My therapist Dodie reminded me early on in recovery to celebrate the little things. Actually, the little things are much bigger then they may appear to us.

The Wisdom of Friends

2011-10-01T12:08:00.000-07:00

I experienced something very cool this week. I really believe that I had an opportunity to experience God's love, concern, and His watching over me. God used people in my life to demonstrate those things to me.

I am riding in an 'organized ride' with one of my cycling teams, Team Revolutions, tomorrow. The entire ride is 72 miles from El Dorado Hills (where I live) to a place in Sacramento. I have heard great things about this ride and all that is connected with it. I really wanted to ride this ride. It would be the longest I have ridden in over a year.

A couple of my friends had concerns about the distance, I wasn't riding with a specific person, the potential of riding in the bike lanes on the road, and just not quite being there emotionally about my riding again. These are legit concerns, but I wanted to ride the ride.

As I stopped by Team Revs headquarters I spoke with a friend, Dian, who works there. She was encouraged about my desire and willingness to ride. After I left, she shared with Mike about me going. Mike called me and he shared some of his concerns with me about the distance and some other aspects. Again, very legit and wise words.

After speaking with Mike, I called Dian. I shared with her the things that Mike shared with me, including asking Dian to ride with me. Dian agreed. We made adjustments to the ride from Mike's suggestions and we're scheduled to ride together tomorrow.

I believe that God helped to orchestrate these conversations, as well to give each of my friends the courage to share their concerns and love for me. Their input, which all lined up with one another, was why I changed my mind.

I am grateful that my friends shared their concerns with me and their graciousness to me. I experienced wonderful love and care through them. I am excited about riding with Dian and seeing all the other Team Revs riders on the trail. As well, we won't ride the complete 72 miles, but I am grateful that I can ride a bike again.

I am grateful for God's love and concern for me. He helped to guide my steps to a wise conclusion. I did not feel pressured in any way, but felt people's love for me. Good thing I woke up to the reality to a wise decision to make.

Thanks Friends!

The Recovery Journey

2011-09-05T11:25:00.000-07:00

Life can feel crazy at times, can't it? For me, pre-injury-wise, life would periodically feel crazy; that was usually out of my own choosing. Post-injury-wise, life has often felt crazy. Some things I just cannot do the same, at this point in time. I am slower mentally, in decision making, and physically.

There are some things that take me longer to comprehend and understand. There are some things I am just not getting at this point in my recovery.

I don't say those things for people to feel sorry for me, but because they're reality. I don't say them because there has not been incredible healing and progress: because THERE HAS BEEN those things.

God has been very gracious to me. The capacity in which I am able to function is miraculous. The reality though is that recovery continues and it can be discouraging and difficult. It may not look difficult to others, as many people face some of the same sort of challenges i do and move forward with them.

I am seeing now that the deficits that remain slow me down a bit and make some things, that seem to me should be much easier, more difficult.

The recovery process is a journey. I am grateful to be on this journey. And I am grateful I do not walk this journey alone: my Faith in God, my Family, and my Friends keep walking with me.

3 Years and Counting

2011-06-20T21:03:00.000-07:00

June 18 of this year marked the 3 year anniversary of when my friend Kathy and I were hit by a car whose driver was under the influence of alcohol. Our lives were significantly impacted, not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually -- in a number of ways. My life has not been the same since.

I am grateful to God for the healing, recovery, and the hope He has given me throughout this time. I really was not expected to survive and if I did, the question remained in regards to what my condition would be like.

My life has made a miraculous recovery! I am doing well physically, though I still have some challenges, aches, and pains. Mentally I am doing well, though there are some behavioral challenges that I need to focus on and work through. My memory and problem solving have gotten a lot better, though they can have their hiccups. Stamina-wise I have gotten better, but that can be a challenge too. I still need to build rest into my schedule. Work-wise I do not have a job, but I am working on some writing that I am doing, seeking to tell the story of this journey I have been on.

On the 18th my friend Kathy and I, as well as a number of other friends on bicycles and on foot, joined us on El Dorado Hills Blvd along the site where Kathy and I were hit. Also, the paramedics/firefighters who helped us, were there.

On my new bicycle, and for my first time since the crash in 2008, we rode the route along EDH Blvd. It was my first time to ride a bike along this route since I have been hit. It felt good to be on the bike again and it felt good to be able to ride the EDH Blvd. hill that I needed to ride.

It was an incredible time. It far exceeded the expectations I had for the ride.

This site is no longer just a crash site, but it is now a celebration site! We had an incredible celebration of the hope, healing, and recovery that has and is taking place.

What lies ahead in the "...and counting"? I don't know, but I know that God does know. I am in good hands.

A Community of Brothers

2011-06-11T11:22:00.000-07:00

One of the important things in my schedule is to meet with a support group of people who have sustained a TBI. We meet every two weeks. Our group has changed a bit since I have begun attending. Currently there are four of us, besides our neuro-psychologist, who meets with us. I am the only woman with three guys (four guys counting our psychologist.) Though sometimes Lynda, our physical therapist, leads our time. She does a great job too.

I am in good community.

We all have different backgrounds. We each have sustained our injuries in different ways, though one man was also hit by a car while riding his bicycle.

Each of us has sustained horrendous injuries; we each were in a coma for some extent of time; we've been having to learn to adapt and adjust to our new lives; we're all happy to be alive -- it is miraculous that each of us is alive.

I enjoy these men and find them a great encouragement to me. We are all a great encouragement to one another. We can relate to what one another struggles with, as well as the areas that we have been able to celebrate in our lives. Their community, their friendship, is important to me.

A Celebration Site, Not Crash Site

2011-06-02T21:01:00.000-07:00

Over the past couple of years, there has been incredible progress on the bicycling front for me. Just over a year ago I rode on a tandem bike with my physical therapist Tom in a 65 mile ride. It was incredible.

Tom was wise in getting me on a tandem bike to relearn what I needed to relearn about cycling. It built confidence, trust, and the feel to be on a bike again. i have also ridden on a bike solo, but not too much. It was great to be on a bike again.

Recently for my birthday, my sister and brother-in-law bought me a new bike. I can't wait to get out on it. One of the first goals for my new bike is to ride on El Dorado Hills Blvd. along the path where I was hit. That is the last time I rode on EDH Blvd. I am looking forward to transforming that route.

For me, the site will now be a celebration site: celebrating the healing, recovery, and hope that God has given me.

Want to join us (Kathy and a few other friends will be joining us.)
Here is the info:
DATE: Saturday, June 18 (the anniversary of the crash);
TIME: 11:30 am
LOCATION: Meet at the intersection of EDH Blvd and Serrano Pkwy.
LENGTH: only a mile up an incline.
WHAT ELSE: We will celebrate a toast at the painted rocks on EDH Blvd., then whoever is interested will gather for lunch (Buy your own lunch) at Bistro 33.

Join us if you can. I am planning on being there rain or shine, but hopefully it will be sunny.

Thanks to all who have been a part of my recovery and helping to make this ride possible, Kathi

3 Years and Counting

2011-06-02T20:49:00.000-07:00

It is hard to believe that on June 18 will be the 3 year anniversary when a friend and I were hit by a car driven by a drunk driver. Both of our lives have been impacted significantly, yet we continue on.

My brain injury still is influencing my life. I can struggle with my memory, retaining new information, and get tired fairly easily. Physically, my leg still has it's challenges and my arm and shoulder can still bother me a bit.

Though my life has been turned upside down in many ways, I am very grateful for the healing, recovery, the opportunities, the provision, and so much else that God has provided. He has loved me, cared for me, provided for me, extended His grace, mercy and forgiveness toward me. He has directed my next steps. He has walked with me each step of the way.

These 3 years seem to have gone fairly quickly. I do have hope as I move into the future, because of the way God has been there with me and for me these past three years. There have been other times in my life when I walked through some incredible times and God was with me then too. When we trust Him for certain things, then we can trust Him for the next things.

I am not sure what the "and counting" days/years will hold, but I have never known that in the past. But as I have experienced God being God, I know He will be with me wherever that is and whatever He has us doing.

Words That Hurt, Words That Heal

2011-05-24T13:32:00.000-07:00

I am grateful for the recovery and healing that has been a part of my life these past three years. Physically I still wrestle with some aches and pains. My balance has gotten extremely better. Problem-solving has improved a lot too. Memory-wise I still have some short term challenges. Loud noises don't bother my ears as much. I still can get overwhelmed and frustrated at times. When I am with quite a few people, and there are multiple conversations going on, that challenges me and wears me out.

Recently I was talking to a dear friend, who I had asked to share with me about areas she saw that I still needed to be aware of and focus on.

My intention was to listen and take her words to heart. Unfortunately that is not what happened. She began sharing some things I was not aware of and I responded with anger. I was mad and upset. I yelled at my friend and swore at her. I was totally an idiot and out of place.

Here she was given the permission to share with me, but I reacted totally inappropriately. I broke her trust and her friendship. I apologized and she accepted my apology, but I still hurt my friend. I think that is the hardest part of what I have to live with.

My initial feelings were that I wasn't doing as well as I thought. That is wrong, because God has brought me a long way, but He also showed me that day of areas in my life that need continued healing and transformation.

My friend's words hurt, but they were truth. I am thankful for what she shared with me, as it has enabled me to be aware of things i need to be aware of. Also, it enables me to adapt and adjust in these areas. Change takes focusing on areas of our lives and begin to make the necessary adjustments.

It also takes accountability. I have asked a couple of close friends to help me in these areas. I have also shared it with my counselor, so that she can help me work through these too.

Am I doing well? Yes I am. I also know that continued transformation is necessary and is happening. Some of the things we have to work on, aren't necessarily the areas we personally see. But God places people in our lives, like my friend, who share the hard things that help lead to continued healing, recovery, and transformation.

Thank you my friend, I love and appreciate you!

Wonderful Reminders

2011-04-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

The brain injury I sustained impacted my ability to remember some things. My memory has healed remarkably, but I still have challenges with it...that too could be because I turned 50 last year. We all struggle with our memory at one time or another, don't we.

I have been using tools and strategies to help me remember certain things. It's funny, because I realize now that for my entire life, without realizing it, I have used "tools" to help me remember. I'm not necessarily doing anything new, but I realize I need these things to help me remember: wonderful reminders.

As a follower of Jesus, I am thankful for the reminders that I get to participate in that help me to remember Jesus and his death and resurrection on my behalf.

Each month, as a church, we celebrate communion. We focus on the broken body and shed blood of Jesus. Jesus did that for me and for you, in order that we can have a relationship with God. Sometimes life is busy and hectic, distractions come from here and there, and I allow the Truth of what Jesus did be put away. Then the first weekend of the month, I get to refocus things. It is great for the perspective. A wonderful reminder.

Easter is this weekend and it is a tremendous opportunity to reflect on, meditate upon, focus, and remember the horrific act that Jesus chose to go through, so that all of humanity can enter into a relationship with God. His death, resurrection, and ascension to heaven allow our sins to be forgiven and to enter into an incredible relationship with God.

An Incredibly Wonderful Reminder. HAPPY EASTER!

Next Steps

2011-04-10T20:21:00.000-07:00

When I sustained a brain injury three years ago, little did I know how upside down it would turn my life. Even to this day, I am learning about the severity of my injuries and walking the road of recovery.

A few weeks ago, someone familiar with my injuries and the changes to my life, asked me what I was up to. That was not a new question, and I believe my answer was about the same as the other times I had answered people: "oh not much, I am volunteering in a couple of places, but not much more then that."

For whatever reason, this particular time I was asked, I could not get the question out of my mind: what was I doing? I know my schedule seemed a little busy, but it wasn't like I was going off to the office every day. It rather seemed like an activity here and there, as well as some time with a friend now and then. Nothing much more then that.

I came to the point where I realized I needed to get a focus and handle on things. I had been walking through a miraculous healing and I believed God had kept me here for a reason. I pondered and I prayed and this is what I began realizing more clearly: God does have me here for a reason and I will begin focusing more intently on the areas He is leading me in.

Number One: As some of you know, I have been 'toying around' with writing a book, telling my story, of the past few years. One of the challenges for me was that I did not see myself as a writer, therefore I allowed that to be a hurdle for me, a roadblock. But what if God wants to make me a writer, that He wants me to tell this story? If God wants that, I know that He can enable me to do that. Therefore, I came to recognize that I have a new job: I am writing a book. That is where I will be spending concentrated time and putting my time and energy.

Number Two: The Ride for Hope is a charity bicycle ride that some friends and I are organizing for brain injury survivors and caregivers. The ride is tentatively scheduled for July 28, 2012 in the Sacramento area. We hope to provide resources, awareness, hope and encouragement to brain injured people. I am very excited about this ride and it has been cool to see some aspects already coming together. God has blessed me with a wonderful project coordinator and tremendous people to be on the team.

Number Three: It piggy backs number two, as I am focusing on the area of brain injured survivors. I am part of the HTSP (Head Trauma Support Project), I have begun a support group at my church. I also attend a TBI support group and took part in the recent Walk for Thought that took place in Sacramento. This area is an incredible area of need for support, resources, and hope. I am very passionate about serving in this area.

Number Four: Volunteering. I continue to volunteer at the Acute Rehab Dept. at Mercy General Sacramento (where I was a patient); I help with P.A.R.T.Y. (Prevent Alcohol and Risk-Related Trauma in Youth) and I also speak occasionally for MADD at a Victim Impact Panel, where I share my story with men and women who have received a D.U.I.

Number Five: This is the etc. number, as there are some other things I am involved with like talking care of my apartment and my cat Spike; I'm in a book group; I am bicycling (occasionally at this point in time); I meet with friends of mine; as well I am continuing my journey of recovery and rehabilitation: a lifelong journey I get to take.

That is quite a bit, isn't it? There is a nice grid here, as it enables me to say 'yes' to the areas that I have listed, as well as to say 'no' to the things that do not. In fact, just the other day I said yes to a request that fit into my grid. It felt great to be able to answer the question with confidence and not by guilt.

Thank you for your encouragement and prayers. The journey has been incredible in many ways, yet very hard and challenging in a number of ways. I am grateful for God's grace, healing, love, care and direction. I thank Him for using so many of you in my life.

Blessings and Love!
~ Kathi

Problem Solving

2011-02-22T10:53:00.000-08:00

One evening I was sitting at Safeway w/a rehab specialist I had while at Mercy. She lives in EDH too, so we got together for a cup of coffee.

I needed to purchase something, as I did at the self-checkout counter, I ran into a couple of hinderances. The woman working at the site where I was, verbally walked me through what I needed to do.

As i went to sit down, my friend made some encouraging comments about what she saw that I did problem solving wise. I was incredibly encouraged by her observations. I don't think I would have put the same thoughts down.

When my friend was observing me, she was watching me through a rehab specialists eyes. She was seeing things that I may not normally catch.

Problem solving has been a slow come back during this recovery journey, but I am seeing it more and more. This morning, I was able to solve a problem at my apartment. I was very excited and was pleased that I also saw it for what it was: a problem solved.

Recovery is a slow process. It involves patience and perseverance. It involves getting excited about what others may take for granted. It involves pushing on. It involves celebrating the "little things" -- which aren't so little in a brain injured survivors world.

Awareness

2011-02-02T21:29:00.000-08:00

We are hearing more about Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBI) in the news these days. The situations are unfortunate, but the awareness of TBIs is beginning to get out there more. That makes me very happy.

Whether it was a Congresswoman who was shot, a participant on American Idol whose fiance sustained a TBI, or the woman I spoke at the grocery store the other evening whose son has a TBI, or even the seven members of my extended family (including myself) who have sustained a TBI or an ABI (Acquired Brain Injury.)

Brain Injuries are very much a part of our culture. The needs are great and I am encouraged to be a part of trying to bring more exposure and resources to this important need.

As I have been walking through my recovery, I am grateful for how God has healed and sustained me. And though my recovery is not complete, I am also thankful that I am having the opportunity to help a little. It does seem so small and I wonder sometimes how significant my help can really be with such a tremendous need.

I Love God

2011-02-01T15:49:00.000-08:00

As I have had the opportunity to walk this road of recovery from injuries I sustained two years ago, I think I am more in love with God today then I was before I sustained my injuries.

God is a loving God who is faithful, caring, compassionate, forgiving, merciful. He has watched over my life in incredible ways. He has given me opportunities I wasn't sure I would have again.

Today I had the opportunity to speak at Lakeside Church's women's Bible Study Stepping Stone. It was a terrific opportunity to share about our loving, hope giving, faithful God. The Promiser keeps His promises.

Praise You God!

Recovery Progress

2011-01-23T19:59:00.000-08:00

I had another moment where I realized I am continuing to make recovery progress.

I was at church Saturday evening and my friend sitting next to me made a statement about the loudness of the music. The sound level was bothering her, but it wasn't bothering me.

I say that because due to my brain injury, louder noises have bothered my ears. There were times at church when I would wear ear plugs. I don't know how loud the music really is, as I am not a good gauge due to my injury.

The cool thing this weekend was that the noise level was not bothering my ears! That is progress. There are some loud noises that still bother me, but progress has been made. I am very grateful for that.

I have also been encouraged by the reports of progress that Congresswoman Giffords has been making since suffering her brain injury from the gunshot. Her recovery too will be a day-by-day recovery. Please pray for her and her family. It is a long road they have ahead of themselves.

Thank You Sometimes Doesn't Seem Enough

2011-01-13T11:10:00.000-08:00

When someone does something for us our natural response is to say thank you. Most of us learned that pretty early on from our parents.

Thank you is a very good thing to say, though sometimes it seems too small of a word to say. Is there a better word?

I am not sure if there is or not, but lately as I have been pondering the incredible road for recovery of my injuries, saying Thank You to God doesn't seem enough. I know I don't take it lightly and I don't want to communicate it lightly back to Him. He knows my heart, so I recognize that He understands.

I was thinking today that even though the word can sometimes feel insignificant, I can seek to live a life that reflects my thanksgiving.

With my life, it is not seeking to earn or deserve what God has chosen to do, but it would be responding to what He has done. That I seek to live my life with love, gratitude, compassion, hope, thanksgiving, and more. To respond to the gifts that God has bestowed on my life.

THANK YOU GOD!

The Only Thing Consistent is...

2011-01-03T10:16:00.000-08:00

As we are now fully into year 2011 I suppose we can be confident in one of the consistencies of life: change will come.

Change is all around us; it doesn't just happen to me or to you. It happens to all of us. When change occurs, especially something that is very familiar to us, it can seem that change is wrong or bad. But is it?

Watching college football games on New Year's Day, I realized that concept has changed a lot. It is different, it was okay.

The University of Connecticut women's basketball team has entered the New Year with a change: they are no longer undefeated (they did have a record 90 game winning streak), but they lost to Stanford on Dec. 30. I know it happened, as I was able to be an eyewitness to the event, as I attended the game.

The sports changes are minor, compared to the changes that we face in our personal lives and families. But there are changes that we will face this year.

There have been a ton of changes in my life the past 2-1/2 years. Some of the changes I did not want to happen, but as time has gone by, I see the good that has come out of the change. It has required me to adapt and adjust; it has required me to adapt my focus from what was, to what is; as well on Whom I focus.

Do I miss the things that have changed? Yes, at times I do, but my focus is not just on the thing, but on God who has allowed change to take place. He is faithful. He is good. He loves me. He desires what is best for me. He has a plan for my life. He is in control. I can TRUST HIM with the changes.

Change is usually not one of our favorite things in life, but God who is in control is One we can trust because HE NEVER CHANGES! The God who was faithful in the familiar and comfortable, will continue to be faithful in what we do not know or understand.

Foggy, Hazy, Clearer...

2010-12-17T19:01:00.000-08:00

After I graduated from college, I began to sense there was a need for me to get glasses. Sure enough, I got my eyes examined and I have been wearing glasses ever since. It was amazing how great things now looked!

A funny thing is, I did not know how out of focus things were until I started wearing my glasses. It was amazing how clear things became.

As it has been nearly 2-1/2 years since I sustained my TBI, I have begun realizing something: as my brain has healed quite a bit, it is interesting how much "clearer" my brain is now, compared to when I began my recovery. I used to think things were going quite well, actually I am finding I thought things were much clearer, though I was pretty much in a fog.

I guess it would be described like this: FOGGY: back in the early days of recovery, things were foggy. Growing up in the Seattle area, we had fog a lot. That can be nasty stuff. HAZY: Then things began to make more sense, I could understand more things, I could begin to interact better. CLEARER: Now things are clearer. I recognize my so-called "vision" is not a 100%, but it is clearer. I am processing and making decisions better, I am thinking through things more, and I recognize some of my deficits better (though that is an area still needing improving.)

Just as my vision improved with my glasses, my brain is adapting and adjusting to the new normal we are working with. I am grateful for the continued process God has me going through.

Fanny Crosby

2010-12-11T11:11:00.000-08:00

Why do we need to go through challenges,limitations, and struggles? I am not sure why we must, part of it may be due to the fact that we live in a 'fallen', imperfect world. I do recognize that our challenges can be used for good in our lives and in the lives of others. I suppose if we have questions such as these, they may be placed on the "questions to ask God" list when I see Him face to face.

On December 9 in the devotional book "Streams in the Desert" there was an entry that included something about Fanny Crosby, it said: "Joy sometimes needs pain to give it birth. Fanny Crosby could never have written her beautiful hymn, "I shall see Him face-to-face," were it not for the fact that she had never looked upon the green fields nor the evening sunset nor the kindly twinkle in her mother's eye. It was the loss of her own vision that helped her to gain her remarkable spiritual discernment."

Since sustaining my brain injury and other physical challenges I have, I have wondered, what is next? Recently I have concluded in my heart and mind that I am suppose to work with brain injury survivors and caregivers. I have come to understand that there is a great need in this area. There are thousands of us survivors who walk around with limited resources, helps, and support.

I would have never learned this, nor be a good candidate to serve in this area, if I had not walked through my own brain injury. To recognize that this is where I want to serve, to help bring exposure, and maybe even finances to is huge and has given me a renewed sense of purpose and mission.

Will I ask God about this when I see Him face-to-face? I'm not sure, but I have a feeling that when I do see Him and reach for the list of questions in my back pocket, that my questions won't matter as much -- they may even be gone. When I am in His perfect presence, my guess is that things will make a lot more sense.

Problem Solving

2010-12-08T21:01:00.000-08:00

One of the areas of my life that had deficits from my brain injury was problem solving. It was a challenge for me to recognize, work through, and solve a problem I might come up against. That is not to say that I was an excellent problem solver pre-injury, but I became challenged in this area.

The problems did not have to be enormous to have struggles with problem solving, so when I congratulate myself these days on some of the problems I've solved, they can seem kind of silly to me. But they are not silly for me, they are signs of progress. I solved a problem with my shower curtain liner the other day. I solved a problem with my car's windshield wiper today. I solved some challenges as I attempted to make some Christmas cookies these past couple of days. A friend of mine helped to be the answer to one of my problems.

It is challenging at times to not be able to comprehend how serious my brain injury was, because that hinders me in appreciating the healing and strides that have been made. As I recognize problems that I solve, I have begun to congratulate myself; to give myself credit. Others may not understand and that is okay, but God and I do.

Sometimes my problem solving is recognizing I cannot do it and need to ask for help. Yes, that can be humbling, but people are more willing to help then we are to ask.

Problems will be with us always and to be able to work through those things are a tremendous gift.

Hope for the Holidays

2010-12-03T12:38:00.000-08:00

We often hear about "home for the holidays", which is a very nice place to be. Isn't it nice to have hope during this time as well? The Christmas season, as many of us have experienced on occasion, can be kind of frantic. Our hope often being that we make it through this season in one piece.

Over the past couple of years I have been learning more about hope. My hope is not based in my circumstances, but in a perfect, loving God.

What am I hoping for this Christmas? To continue to grow in my relationship with Jesus; to have a wonderful celebration with my siblings and family; that my heart would be filled with love, peace, joy, and thanksgiving.

May your heart be filled with hope this Christmas season. Yes, God loves us deeply and completely. Sometimes our circumstances may say to us "how can God love me?" The truth and reality is that He does love us.

Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones.

God's Mowing Our Souls

2010-11-11T09:20:00.000-08:00

Thank God that He "mows the lawn" of our souls; that He works to transform our souls, to develop us into the people He wants us to be: transforming us into the image of His Son.

Yesterday I witnessed a beautiful picture. A friend was mowing a portion of his lawn in the front yard of his home and he had his young grandson with him.

As he was walking and pushing the lawn mower with one hand, he was holding the hand of his grandson who was walking next to him.

It was a sweet picture of love, trust, and friendship. Plus the lawn was getting mowed! This man does a tremendous job in caring for his yard. It must have been even more fulfilling to do this with his grandson at his side.

God is holding our hand. He is with us, as we are walking through times of hardship, pruning, and transforming. He does not leave us, He remains with us.

The joy that must be found in God's heart to be with His child. Joy that is not found just in walking with us through the "mowing of our souls" times, but walking with us day by day, moment by moment.

The joy that was displayed by the grandson, may it be found in us as well. As we walk hand in hand with our Abba Father.

Beauty in the Place of Tragedy

2010-11-08T17:04:00.000-08:00

Today I was driving along El Dorado Hills blvd. and there were some incredibly beautiful trees that have vibrants colors of red, orange, and yellow. they look awesome.

It was near the same spot just over two years ago that a friend and I were both hit by a car. We both sustained serious, life-threatening injuries.

As I drove by I was so grateful to see life and beauty, not just a place where tragedy struck. the drive caused me to praise and thank God for the life He has continued to give my friend Kathy and me.

Beauty is a much grander picture then tragedy. God does bring good out of bad and hard situations.

Progress Markers

2010-10-25T20:14:00.000-07:00

Though I still struggle with "hiccups" in my recovery, there still is wonderful progress. Sometimes it can seem silly to me at some of the things I get excited about, but it is nice to get excited about some things. Here are a few of the progress markers I experienced this past week:
Leaving a message for a friend, I told her to call me, but I didn't tell her what it was about. She called the next morning and asked me why I called. I didn't write it down, but I was able to remember the reason for my call. PROGRESS!

Sudoku puzzles have been a fave of mine, but also have been part of my recovery. I completed four different levels of puzzles one morning, easy to hard. PROGRESS!

Crossword puzzles are another brain exercise for me. The other day I re-opened a crossword puzzle book and was able to answer some of the questions I hadn't been able to answer before. PROGRESS!

My car driving (and remembering how to get to places), re-learning to ride my bicycle and seeing continued PROGRESS in that area, and feeling mentally stronger are incredible PROGRESS markers. I thank God for all He has done, as well as the strength and courage that He gives me to keep moving forward.

I am slower in many areas, but I guess that isn't so bad, at least I am moving forward.
>PROGRESS -- PRAISE GOD!

What is the Gauge for Success?

2010-10-06T10:05:00.000-07:00

From the day I became aware of my need for recovery from a brain injury, one of my main thoughts was getting back to my work at Lakeside Church. Would getting back to my work be the gauge for my success in my recovery?

When my brain began remembering things again - especially people's names -- was that the gauge for my success in my recovery?

When I began driving an automobile again (with utter enjoyment), was that the gauge for my success in my recovery?

When I began to desire to be back on a bicycle again, when I had the opportunity to learn to ride a tandem bicycle and my riding partner and I completed a 65 mile ride that was purely awesome! Was the tandem bicycle riding the gauge for my success in my recovery?

I have now completed three "solo" rides of various mileage (11 miles being the furthest post-injury) and I have three rides set on my calendar: is bicycle riding "solo" my gauge for success in my recovery?

The situations listed above I think have often been seen as points of success for me in my recovery: by me, as well as by others. But are they?

Not being able to return to my work at Lakeside Church did not happen, so does that mean recovery has not been successful? No, it has meant a new direction of ministry for me.

I do believe each of those things (and the many other things) I have experienced are gauges for something, but I am not sure if it is success. I have been thinking about this a lot and I think I have come up with my answer:

I think these things are gauges of PROGRESS and PROGRESS IS SUCCESS!

Progress may seem really big (like riding a bicycle again, like driving a car again, and like remembering more things), but they each have taken steps to get there. Progress is a lifelong process. We each, injury or not, make progress each day. We need to celebrate the progress and the steps that we successfully take.

Thanks to you all who have celebrated these steps of progress with me. You help keep me going, because sometimes the days are hard. I celebrate you too!

Adapting and Adjusting to Change

2010-09-11T21:30:00.000-07:00

Change is tough sometimes, isn't it? We become comfortable, settled, familiar, pleased and a lot of other things when we live life.

As we recognize and commemorate the anniversary of 9-11, our country has gone through much change these past years as a result of a terrorist attack on our country.

MY CHANGE OPPS

When my parents passed away: my dad in 1979 and my mom in 1999, there needed to be tremendous adapting and adjusting to the changes to my family.

As I have had the opportunity to work within Christian ministry positions, sometimes requiring to move to a different state, there was the need to adapt and adjust to the changes my life experienced and places that I lived: Chicagoland, Seattle, and California are different places.

When I sustained life threatening and life changing injuries as a result of being hit by a car, there has been, and continues to be, the need to adapt and adjust to the changes my life has (and continues to) experience. Sometimes it is hard and frustrating. Sometimes it has felt like I am learning something again for the very first time.

Having gone on permanent disability, I have needed to adapt and adjust to a life that does not (and likely will not) work at a job again. HUGE ADAPTATION AND ADJUSTING to that change.

Have all these changes been bad? No, but they required me to recognize that life was/is different: the differences required (and are requiring) adaptations and adjustments to be made. As God so often does, He works good out of challenging things that happen.

If I wouldn't adapt or adjust, life would be lived in the past and in much denial: neither being healthy. As well, I would miss out on the opportunities, growth, and all that God wants to give to me in the midst of the changes.

I am grateful that God gives us the power, the ability, the grace, and all that is needed to adapt and adjust to change.

The other very cool thing is that GOD NEVER CHANGES, so we will never have to adapt or adjust to that.

Dream a Little Dream

2010-08-29T20:44:00.000-07:00

Throughout my lifetime, I have not always been a dreamer. Sure, I had plenty of dreams, but I am not sure they were thoughts that I took too seriously. As of late, as I have been wondering the next steps for my life, I have been encouraged about some possibilities I have been thinking about. Are they dreams? I think so, but they are so-called dreams that I believe can one day come out of my brain and be lived out.

The other morning I woke up in unique way for me: I was filled with joy, hope, expectation, and vision -- and that was before I even had a cup of coffee! It was an encouraging time for me. I am not what one would call a "morning person." I would like mornings if they were a little later in the day. I am not at my best at the earlier part of a day.

Over the past two years I have been wondering what is "next" for me. I needed to step down from my position as the Director of Women's Ministries at Lakeside Church as I went on full-time disability. In my early stages of recovery, that was not my game plan at all, as I planned on returning to Lakeside.

As life continued on I was able to see that was absolutely the right decision to make, though it had been a hard decision to make. I was also able to see that there was still time needed if I was going to work at any job at all. My recovery from my brain injury still had much healing to go.

Thankfully I didn't just hide in my apartment and feel sorry for myself. There have been plenty of moments that I have felt sorry for myself, but I was not going to give up: continuing to cultivate my relationship with God; staying connected with family and friends; volunteering; beginning to learn to ride my bicycle again; meeting with my TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) support group; and meeting with a counselor have been some of the things that have been very important to me.

But what was "next" for me?

I have been doing some writing, as I hope to one day share my story on the written page. I have begun interviewing family and friends. It has been helpful for me in numerous ways, but I also see that it is helping me fill in some blanks.

There is about a three month period surrounding the injuries I sustained which I do not remember. As I speak with family, friends, medical personnel, as well as read some of the blog entries that were written, a picture is developing.

Though it is sad, hard, amazing, and miraculous of what I have gone through, I appreciate the clarity and the answers that are coming my way.

Is writing what is next? I think writing is included, but that is not all. The primary area of focus I believe God is leading me is that of helping, encouraging, and supporting brain injury survivors.

God has saved my life in a miraculous way and He has been enabling me to heal and recover in a miraculous capacity as well.

The number of people who suffer TBI's in the United States per year is staggering: approximately 1.7 million people! TBI's are a horrendous injury and there are a lot of us walking around recovering from one.

Before I sustained a TBI, I don't believe I had heard of it before. Now that I have, my eyes and ears have been opened to an incredible need. In fact, within my own extended family, there are at least six of us who have sustained some sort of traumatic or acquired brain injury.

My desire is to help raise awareness and even money for recovery, therapy, and other needs and expenses.

How will that look? Well, I'm still dreaming in that area, but will share one day soon a couple of areas. This I will share:

I am part of a trio of people: we've each sustained brain injuries in some capacity, who are beginning a small group this fall at Lakeside Church for brain injury survivors and caregivers.
I volunteer at Mercy General Hospital in the Acute Rehab Dept. (where I was a patient.) I get to help those who helped me who are now helping other survivors.
With writing, I want to continue to get the word out about brain injuries and other traumatic injuries to extend hope, love, encouragement, care, and resources.
I will be volunteering to help local events take place to communicate the reality and needs for brain injury survivors.

I would appreciate your prayers as I continue to seek God for His plans and purposes for me.

I am extremely encouraged and thankful for the direction I believe God is leading me and the dreams He is giving me to dream.

I will keep you updated on the process and progress.

A NEW GROUP

2010-08-20T21:37:00.000-07:00

People often ask me what I am doing. My life prior to being hit by a car, life was moving right along and I was busy -- doing stuff. Now with not having a job, my days have opened up a bit. I have been asking God what He wants me to do. Besides God wanting me to continue to cultivate my relationship with Him, I think that God wants me to help other brain injury survivors. Therefore, that is what I am seeking to do.

Volunteering at Mercy General in the Acute Rehab Dept. is providing some of that opportunity. I am envisioning a couple of other things down the road too. One of the new opps for me is to help develop a small group/support group for brain injury survivors.

I am working with two friends and we will begin this group in September at Lakeside Church. Each of the three of us have sustained a brain injury in some capacity. We all know the value and importance of being connected with others who have some of the same challenges, victories, and such. We do not walk alone along this journey!

Wednesday, September 1 we will be holding a reception at Lakeside Church (room 216) in Folsom (from 7-9pm) to share the heart, vision, and motivation for this group. We will have refreshments, share stories, a guest speaker and what our group will entail.

If you are a brain injury survivor, are the family member of a brain injury survivor, are the caretaker of a survivor, or would just like to find out what this is all about -- then please join us.

You may have sustained a brain injury from an external force/accident, have suffered a stroke, have M.S., have suffered concussions, or any other situation that has impacted your brain -- then this group is for you.

We will be trying in multiple ways to get the word out about this group, but if you or someone you know could possibly benefit, please come and bring others with you.

On Wednesday, Sept. 15 @ 7pm the small group will officially begin. Our evening will also communicate what our group time will include.

Did I ever think that I would be helping brain injury survivors? Nope! But God has a way of bringing good out of hard and difficult situations. I am very grateful for this opportunity to serve in this capacity.

In Good Hands

2010-08-09T21:38:00.000-07:00

Though I have been walking this recovery journey for over two years, and I had made the decision to step down from my job and go on permanent disability months ago -- my life just feels kind of weird.

Saturday I got word from the judge who heard my case regarding disability and social security. When I met with the judge, the appointment had gone fine, but I have been waiting on hearing back from him regarding his decision. His decision was what was expected: he agreed with the fact that I am disabled.

To see it in writing and read it in the context of various testimonies was a tad surreal. It hit home that my life has gone/is going in a different direction then I imagined. This is not what I expected.

For whatever reason it is going along a new path. Even though I may not understand it or see why it is going this way, I do believe that God knows, sees, and understands it all. Faith gets to continue to take over here. Not faith in my circumstances, but my faith in God. Our faith is only as strong as the object of our faith: God is All-knowing, All-powerful, All-loving, and more. The Object of my faith is the Lord God Almighty. I am in good Hands.

Taking the Necessary Rest

2010-08-03T11:45:00.000-07:00

I took my cat, Spike, to the vet yesterday. He hasn't been to a kitty dr. in quite awhile. Spike did great! The vet assistant even said so. Spike needed to give blood and have a mass under his bottom lip checked out.

After returning home, I think Spike slept most of the day and into early evening. There was a time that he was becoming active again and I thought he was just being recharged from his sleep.

Today Spike has a tad more energy, but he still is taking it easy.

I'm not a parent, so I am not sure what it is like to take one's child to the doctor to get shots, etc., but that must be challenging to see your child given a shot, etc.

I wasn't in the room when Spike's blood was taken, but I am sure it was a little scary for him. I think Spike was exhausted from his visit to the vet.

One of the challenges I am still experiencing over two years since my run in with a car, is that I still can get tired quite easily. It might be due to exercise, a busy schedule, spending time and interacting with people, or a number of other things.

One of the things I need to make sure is that I get plenty of rest. Sometimes it means taking a nap in the afternoon or just allowing my world to be still for about 15-20 minutes.

That may seem silly, but it is honestly something I need in my day.

It reenergizes me, it renews me, it can recharge me, and make me feel a lot better. My day activities and interactions can be a lot more productive when I take the necessary rest I need to take.

SOME GOOD NEWS TO SHARE

2010-07-26T20:37:00.000-07:00

Today I did something that I haven't done in over two years! I rode a bicycle by myself: not a tandem bike or one with tethers and a physical therapist holding on -- I RODE A BICYCLE ALL BY MYSELF!

My dear friend Sandy L. rode her bicycle alongside mine, gave me incredible words of encouragement and support, as well as was our guide and traffic monitor.

After circling Sandy's neighborhood a few times, we stopped by Lakeside Church to say hi to the staff there.

After that fun stop, we went to Berger Physical therapy to see some of the staff there that worked with me and helped get me to this point. I told them when I left that I would ride by some day to say hello -- this was the day!

Then came lunch and a call to Dian at Beretta P.T. -- the group that has been vital in getting me to this point. Dian was very encouraged and excited about receiving the call.

There were times while riding that I could not take the smile off my face. It felt very good to be on the bike. I still have some work to do, but it is amazing (besides being a miracle) how far I have come.

Just thought I'd share the good news with you.

IS IT EVER FAST ENOUGH? (PART 2)

2010-07-22T09:39:00.000-07:00

I now need too be consistently aware of: my schedule (to not over do it and make sure I get some rest), eating healthier (more fresh fruits & veggies), exercising consistently, working on my brain games (my Sudoku puzzle solving has improved dramatically) and such.

I am continuing to re-learn: how to ride a bicycle on my own; in taking initiative with my friends and other acquaintances.

I always wear my helmet when I bicycle, as well as realize it is important for me not to hit my head -- at any time.

I guess it is like an alcoholic or drug addict who has chosen to live a life of sobriety: one day at a time. Choosing recovery and abstinence from the things that would block one's recovery and sobriety. I choose brain injury recovery and what that entails.

I AM A BRAIN INJURY SURVIVOR! I am incredibly grateful for the miraculous healing that God has enabled me to experience.

I want to help, encourage, and support other brain injury survivors, their families, and caregivers.

Though I don't know what that will exactly like, I am trying to take steps in that direction. In fact, today I get to volunteer at Mercy General Hospital in the Acute Rehab Dept. and help those who are helping others to recover from the trauma they have experienced -- as they helped me two year ago!

Is it ever fast enough? Probably not in our timing. I continue to learn that my timing and God's timing can be very different, but He does have a plan and He is at work!

IS IT EVERY FAST ENOUGH? (Part 1)

2010-07-22T09:21:00.000-07:00

Is our 'healing' ever fast enough? Whether we are trying to get over a cold; experience healing of a sprained ankle; or whatever type of healing we're waiting for -- even recovering from a brain injury -- do these things ever take place in the time frame we have set in our minds?

Okay, I admit, sometimes they do, but what about those things that seem to linger on?

I asked my therapists yesterday how long I would be considered to be in recovery. (At this point in time, it has been just over two years since I received my injuries and began my recovery.) The answer: the rest of my life.

The answer did not surprise me, but it is the reality of my new normal, of my life.

Recovery for me has adapted and progressed. I am not relearning and/or practicing how to walk, eat, talk, or sustain my balance. Though I still can be challenged with my balance, it is much better then it used to be.

I allow myself to get discouraged sometimes by the deficiencies I still see in my life, but I am very encouraged when I look at them in light of where I have come from! It truly is a miracle that God has done in my life. God brought me from being close to death and allowing more life on earth -- and to be a productive member of society too!

I am grateful to God for who He is and all that He has done -- and is doing!

Whatcha' Up To?

2010-07-06T12:13:00.000-07:00

I am often asked by people what I am doing? Since I don't have a job I go to every day, I guess it is a good question. To me though, I often don't feel like I am doing very much. Especially compared to my friends who have a family, responsibilities, jobs outside the home, and such. The reality is that I am still involved in my recovery, I'm volunteering, and I am trying to re-connect with friends. Here is my latest of what I am doing (in case you were wondering):

Each morning: begins with my Bible reading, prayer, some journalling, book reading, Bible verse memory, and usually a crossword or Sudoku puzzle (that is part of my brain injury recovery work).

Volunteering at Mercy General Hospital: Once a week I am at MGH in the Acute Rehab Dept. It is great to be back there to help those who helped me, as well as to encourage patients and their families.

P.A.R.T.Y.: Helping with Prevent Alcohol and Risk-Related Trauma in Youth. A very good organization that is communicating to high school students in the Folsom/El Dorado Hills area.

Writing: I am writing about my being crashed into by a car and my recovery. The writing is helping my recovery too.

Bicycling: I am working on getting back on a bicycle. My P.T., Tom, has been incredible in working with me to get back on a bike. We've come a long way and there is a tad to go yet, but we are getting there!

Re-connecting with friends: I am trying to get together with others over a meal, cup of coffee, or other fun stuff.

Attending Church at Lakeside: Lakeside and my Lakeside family are very important to me and have been an incredible piece of my recovery.

Okay, that is some of what I am up to. Life is different, but it is good. The changes have taken awhile to adapt to; in some cases I am still adapting, but God has been very good to me.

FAMILY TIME

2010-06-27T20:49:00.000-07:00

I had the opportunity to visit my family in the Seattle area. I don't get there too often, but it is nice when I do.

Our brother Jack came to our sister's house. We had a great time together on Father's Day.

My sister was able to get a couple of tickets for the Seattle Mariners-Chicago Cubs baseball game. We went together and had a fun time. I am a fan of both teams, so it was a win-win night for me. My heart was leaning towards the Cubs and unfortunately they lost. The cool thing was that "Cubs Nation" was represented very well.

I also got to see my college roommate, Joyce. I haven't seen her since "pre-accident", so it was good to catch up with her.

I am beginning some writing on my recovery and it was nice to begin interviews with my family. Due to my coma and brain injury, I don't remember anything from early on. They filled me in on some interesting items. It doesn't freak me out, but it does confirm how God has been at the center of this entire journey.

They all confirmed too how well they were taken care of by many people from Lakeside Church. People were incredibly generous and it meant a lot to my family. The acts of giving were tremendous acts of love. Thanks Everyone!

It is good to be back in EDH and my kitty Spike is glad his mommy is home.

Two Years and Counting

2010-06-21T13:49:00.001-07:00

On June 18 of this month was the two year "anniversary" of my run in with a car while I was on a bicycle. I was actually the one run into. It has been an interesting two years, but I am trusting God that He has more life left for me to live.

I praise and thank God for all that He has done in me and for me over the past two years. It is not a journey I would have chosen, but it is incredible to know that whatever path He has us on, He is right there with us.

I am grateful for: the healing that has taken place; for the progress in my brain and with my memory; for the love, care, generosity, patience, forgiveness, mercy and so much more from my family and friends; for the opportunity to volunteer at Mercy Gen. Hospital in Sacto. in their Acute Rehab. Dept. (where I was a patient a couple of years ago); to help with PARTY (Prevent Alcohol and Risk-Related Trauma in Youth); as well as to be able to live a life that has purpose, meaning, and that I am capable of interacting in.

God has been incredibly good to me. As year two proceeds and I have the opportunity to continue to heal, grow, and interact, I do so with a grateful heart.

Thank you for being a part of the journey.

Blessings, Kathi

THE EYES HAVE IT

2010-06-03T08:20:00.000-07:00

One of the things I tend to notice about people is their eyes. When someone has, what I think, are beautiful eyes that stands out to me.

The eyes can say a lot: there are looks of care, love, compassion, fear, anger, uncertainty, and more.

I imagine that Jesus had incredible eyes: love, forgiveness, compassion, mercy, grace, and so much more were most likely seen in His eyes.

Jesus also saw people. He would see the woman who needed to be healed in the midst of a crowd.

How do you think Jesus sees you? The same way that you see yourself? I believe that Jesus sees us with the same eyes and perspective that He saw people when He walked on earth.

I'm glad that God and I don't see myself the same way. I tend to see myself in a critical light; as one who keeps making mistakes; I see my shortcomings; as well, I see myself too often as unloveable -- among other things.

I am seen with love, forgiveness, grace, compassion, and with my frailties and imperfections in sight, but I am seen through the blood of Jesus.

I want to see as Jesus sees, not only myself, but how He sees others. He sees them as sheep without a shepherd, with unconditional love, in need of forgiveness and grace.

Thanks Jesus for how You see and the fact that You do see us and what we are going through. You not only see us, but You walk with us in the midst of it all.

What do you want to do when you grow up?

2010-05-13T23:14:00.000-07:00

What do you want to do when you turn 50? That is an interesting, yet silly sounding, question. On Monday, May 17 I got to join the "50 Club." When I was younger, I don't think I thought a lot about turning 50, other then it sounded pretty old.

My perspective on the age of 50 has definitely changed. I'm not sure how 50 is suppose to feel, but I don't think I feel 50. I'm not exactly sure if I had any idea of what I would be doing with my life at age 50, but I don't think it was that I would be recovering from a brain injury -- let alone not having a job.

I guess at this point in time I get to pray, dream, and find out what the next step(s) are for me. I have begun to do some volunteering at the hospital where I was a patient. I am working with a group that communicates to teenagers about the potential consequences that go along with risky behavior choices and driving. I am considering doing some writing and I met with an author yesterday who gave me wonderful encouragement and helpful tips. I have also been back on a bicycle (tandem up to this point) but I hope to be able to ride solo again.

I know of a saying that goes: "I may not know what the future holds, but I do know Who holds the future." I am grateful that God knows my future and holds my future in His loving hands. I may not know the future, but I will walk by faith in a Trustworthy God every day.

Mom Memories

2010-05-09T05:23:00.000-07:00

As today is Mother's Day, 2010 and my mom passes away 13 years ago, I thought I would share a couple things I remember about my mom.

Mom and I had our challenging moments. No, I wasn't the perfect daughter nor was she the perfect mom: because none of us are perfect. The challenging moments were not fun, but we had plenty of fun moments. I used to tell her that she was one of the funniest people I knew. She also had an endearing laugh, so it would be great to hear that. Here are a couple of things that stand out in my mind:

Probably my most favorite memory of my mom, took place in the early 1990's. Mom had just walked through a few hard weeks of life. I invited my mom to attend a Billy Graham Crusade with me that was happening in a community near ours.

After Billy gave his messages, he would ask people to walk from their seats to the floor of the arena if they wanted to become a follower of Jesus. I had the privilege of walking with my mom as she chose to become a follower of Jesus.

What an experience and what hope that decision brought to her life. Mom is now in heaven with Jesus!

The second memory comes from when I ran my first 10k race. It took place in our hometown and the route would go past the apartment complex where my mom and I lived.

As I made the route and came upon the final third of the run, I made a turn that was taking me up a fairly long hill, as well as past our apartment. As I made the turn, there was my mom, cheering me on! Wow, how long had she been standing there and waiting for me? I don't remember, but it had to be awhile since I've never been a fast runner.

Seeing her there cheering me on was so encouraging and gave me a burst of energy for the final miles of the race.

Those are only a couple of memories, but they are special memories and ones that I am thankful to have. Moms are special people, though we may not always recognize the special moments at the time they happen.

I am grateful for the memories of my mom that I remember now and that I will remember in the days ahead.

BACK IN THE SADDLE -- Again!

2010-04-23T19:40:00.000-07:00

Today I had a great opportunity to go on a bike again -- this time not on a tandem, but on a bike by myself. I stayed in the parking lot where Beretta Physical Therapy is located and rode around there.

My physical therapist, and tandem bike riding partner, Tom was helping me out. It was a tad nerve wracking as I now was responsible for the pedaling, the braking, and the turning. Tom had that all under control on the tandem.

There were a few times when I knew I should turn my bike to the left, but my brain didn't seem to want to engage with that thought -- but it did.

This was my first "practice run" and I've got a couple more appointments set up to practice some more. It still will take more riding before I get out there on my own completely, but these are some more wonderful steps in the right direction.

MORE TO CELEBRATE!

2010-04-16T10:21:00.000-07:00

The Party Pardee bicycle ride was cause for great celebration, but I've been pondering other things in my life that are worth celebrating:

That I am able to memorize Scripture: I Corinthians 13 and Matthew 5:3-10 (I just completed.)
That I am more aware of my weak areas and beginning to make some adaptations.
That God is my Heavenly Father.
That Jesus is always with me and He loves me.
That I am feeling better and stronger.
That my brain seems to be healing more.
That I have incredible support: family, friends, new friends, medical personnel.
That I am feeling happier and more connected then I have been in quite awhile.

I am incredibly grateful for all that God has done in my life. It has been an interesting journey. God is faithful to guide me on this new path. He is in complete control. And He loves me with an Everlasting Love!

CELEBRATE: It was quite the ride!

2010-04-11T10:22:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, April 3 I had the opportunity to ride in my first organized ride in over two years -- my first since my accident in June 2008.

My tandem bike riding partner, Tom, and I competed in Party Pardee. This is an organized ride set in Ione that is sponsored by the Sacramento Bike Hikers. Tom and I rode the 110k (65 mile) route. There were 1,200 others who signed up to compete in Party Pardee.

Tom was an incredible lead rider. He communicated well, he is a strong rider, he was aware of taking advantage of the rest stops and re-fueling our bodies with the right type and amount of food. He led our bike well.

The weather was cold, but there wasn’t rain or wind. By the end of the ride, the clouds were parting a bit and the sun was coming out.

It was exciting to be on such a ride again. For me, being there said so much of what God has done on my behalf: healing me physically, healing my brain, giving me the strength I needed, as well as providing someone like Tom to teach and model tandem bike riding to me.

The ride had plenty of rolling hills, as well as some pretty good sized hills. The surrounding countryside was beautiful. There were plenty of horses, cows, and goats grazing as we rode by. At one point a Far Side Cartoon crossed my mind.

It was really cool when other cyclists, who knew us, would yell out our name and cheer us on. The other really cool thing happened at the end of the ride:

As we rode to the gate we needed to enter, there were people lined up, and when they saw us they began to cheer. They were there to celebrate with us. After we got off our bike, then someone brought out the champagne. There was also a cake donated by Babycakes Bakery (in Sacramento): German chocolate (my favorite), as well as nice words written on it and a red bicycle (that was the color of the new bike I was riding when I was hit by the car.)

It was a very cool celebration and I appreciated the thoughts of love, support, and others celebrating too. Many people have walked this journey with me, so I am glad that they got to celebrate too.

In the next day or two I will post some other things that I am celebrating. One of my big lessons on this journey is to celebrate the progress: no matter how "big or small" it may seem to us.

IT WAS QUITE THE PARTY!

2010-04-05T15:30:00.000-07:00

Party Pardee was a 65 mile bike ride that my tandem riding partner, Tom, and I signed up to ride. It had been over two years since my last previous organized ride, as well as a lot of physical, mental, emotional healing, as well as healing of my brain injury.

For me to be on this bike at all was a miracle, as well that my brain has recovered as it has.

The ride included, besides Tom and me, about 1,200 other riders. Some of them were my teammates from the Bodacious Biking Babes and Team Revolutions. As Tom and I were riding and people passed by on their bikes, they would call out our names. That was so cool.

It was a long ride, but beautiful. We were blessed to have no rain or wind. It was cold and cloudy, but towards the end of our ride, the clouds parted and the sun began to shine.

When we rode to the finish, there were people waiting for us: cheering us as we crossed the line. Champagne began to flow and the celebration was on. One baker from Babycakes Bakery made a delicious german chocolate cake.

The welcome and reception was incredible. I was overwhelmed, but incredibly blessed.

I guess Party Pardee was a good name of the ride, because that is what I felt like doing -- if I hadn't been so tired. There are incredible memories from this day and this ride. My heart is tremendously grateful for all God has done and the people He used to make this all happen.

Was this the ride of a lifetime? I think if may have been!

GRATEFUL

2010-03-31T08:23:00.000-07:00

Approaching Easter brings my heart and mind to much reflection for all God has done for me, including the cross He died on for me over 2,000 years ago. Here are a few things:

For the miraculous healing of my brain! By what I have heard of what my brain has gone through, it shouldn't be working like it is. Praise God!

The love, grace, strength, mercy, forgiveness and all that God has blessed me with.

I recently memorized Chapter 13 of I Corinthians and I am working on my next passage of Scripture! (The Scriptures are incredible to be able to remember.)

For God's provision for my needs.

To be able to read and write. I've begun to write down words regarding this journey of accident and recovery.

This may sound like a funny one, but my ability to do Sudoku and Crossword puzzles. They are part of my recovery homework. I get so excited when I see the accomplishment.

To be able to speak/teach at Stepping Stones (Lakeside women's Bible study) a few weeks ago.

To be helping with P.A.R.T.Y. (Prevent Alcohol And Risk Related Trauma in Youth).

To be able to ride a bike (tandem bike) in the organized ride this weekend at Party Pardee.

Lastly, but one of the most important, for the incredible support of my family and friends. A TBI survivor cannot make this journey alone: THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH. I LOVE YOU!

I hope that gives you an idea of the miracles that continue to be a part of my life. God has been incredibly good and gracious to me.

I hope you have an opportunity to celebrate Him with others this weekend at an Easter service.

Blessings, Kathi

Retreat and More

2010-03-25T22:20:00.000-07:00

RETREAT

Last weekend I had an opportunity to attend Lakeside Church's women's retreat. It was held at Zephyr Cove on Lake Tahoe. It was a tremendous weekend. Here are a few things I walked away with:

One, the speaker, Janice, did a tremendous job talking about companionship with God, as well as addressing barriers that can get in the way.

Secondly, the worship band did a great job in helping us worship God and connect with Him through music.

Third, I got to spend some wonderful time with my friend Shannon and getting to know her better. As well to connect with others from Lakeside.

The entire weekend provided the opportunity to be inspired, encouraged, as well as connect with God. I think God was showing me some things to take note of.

A very cool thing was that this was my first trip back to Zephyr Cove since the 2008 women's retreat. It's interesting, because I have a little bit of amnesia, and the first thing I can remember on my own is that retreat in '08. It was a great retreat with a fabulous speaker: I am so glad that I am able to remember it.

Also, my friend Shannon and I went snow shoeing. It was my first time. We went nearly 3 miles. I was tired, but enjoyed it a lot!

What's Next:

The weekend of April 2-4 is a big one for me:

First, it is Easter weekend. Easter is my favorite holiday, so it will be a joy to celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus. If you live in the Folsom, CA area and don't have a church to attend, come to Lakeside. We're having services all weekend long.

Second, it is my adorable niece Emma's birthday on April 4. It is hard to believe she is going to be 12.

On Saturday the 3rd, I am going on my first organized bike ride in over 2 years. I am riding on the tandem bike and we're participating in Party Pardee. The length of the ride we signed up for is about 110k (65 miles!) I even rode my "clip on bike shoes" for the first time since my accident last week. Am I nervous? A little, but I am also excited about the chance to do this; it speaks loudly of God's miraculous and tremendous healing of my body and my brain.

I'll be sure to let you know how it goes.

That's it for now, but I will add a little something in the next day or so, as this is long enough for now.

Blessings to you!

The Latest

2010-02-28T13:01:00.000-08:00

BRAIN INJURY:

My brain injury has healed significantly, but there are still challenges. I struggle at times with my memory, predominantly my short term memory. I've come up with a slogan: "Say it, Write it, Do it." (That will help things sink in.)

I seek to work on things that can help in strengthening my brain: reading, writing, and working Sudoku and Crossword puzzles. I've been challenged in problem solving; one day I realized that Sudoku helps in my problem solving area.

I'm also memorizing Bible verses and just completed chapter 13 of 1 Corinthians. I work on reviewing those verses and I am going to begin on another passage.

I'm working on strategies to help me remember. Part of that includes writing more things down and being consistent in my scheduling each day.

I've also found out that rest if very important, as I am still challenged in my stamina. Eating well is also important and trying to alleviate stress in my life.

When I am tired, hungry, and/or stressed my brain has greater challenges.

CYCLING:

I am back on a bicycle again -- a tandem (2 person) bike. It has been great. I've been nervous just a couple of times. I have been encouraged at seeing the progress, strength, and stamina. It has felt good being on a bike again.

Tom, my physical therapist who has got me back on the bike, is also helping me with exercises and gym equipment to help with my balance, strength, and stamina. So if we're not on the bike, we're in the gym. I also am riding a stationary bike and my goal is to ride that bike every day.

On April 3, Tom and I will be riding in an organized ride. We're signed up for the 65 mile segment. Tom has ridden this route numerous times and is very confident that we will do well.

WRITING:

I've been getting a bit more serious and focused on some writing. Numerous people have encouraged me to write about my accident and recovery.

I hope that this will encourage others who have experienced challenging times, especially brain injury survivors. It can be a long and lonely journey.

There is hope, even if at times it doesn't feel or look like it.

God is Faithful!

2010-02-18T12:52:00.000-08:00

FEBRUARY 18, 2010

My blogging has not been as consistent as I would like, but I'll go ahead and update things.

On The Road (bike) Again

I've been riding on a road bike again, but at this point in time it is a tandem (2 person) bike. It has been an interesting, fun, energizing and a good ride. My lead rider, Tom, has been a good leader and teaching me a lot.

Tom and I are signed up to ride in the Party Pardee Ride that takes place in Ione on April 3. We're signed up for the 110k (65 mile) ride. Tom seems quite confident that we can do this ride. Tom has ridden it numerous times himself and really likes it.

I am excited and a little nervous. I've ridden distances like this before, but after nearly two years of not riding it will take some adjusting. We're training well, so it should go find.

You Said What?!

What that title refers to is that I had an opportunity to teach/speak at Stepping Stones (Lakeside Church's women's Bible study) a week ago. Again, nervousness and excitement were a couple of my feelings, since it had been about two years since I taught last. I had a wonderful time and the women were incredibly encouraging. It was a great experience.

What Now?

I'm continuing to work on recovery stuff. I am currently not cleared to ride a bike "solo" yet, but am continually working towards that. I'm working on my writing, as well as I am trying to keep up on some reading. I'm not leading a small group, but I am attending the Fallon's small group that has been an incredible experience.

Oh yah, and for lent (which began yesterday) I am not eating sweets, desserts for the next 40 days.

I am doing well, though I still am challenged with my stamina and get tired fairly easy. My body is feeling better, though I have some aches and pains (which might be my side kicks for some time.)

I am grateful to God for His healing, for His grace, for His incredible love, and His unending care.

I Need to Say Thank You!

2010-01-28T14:28:00.001-08:00

My friend Vickie who was with me from the moment I was taken to the hospital following my accident and has cared for me for a year-and-a-half was the one responsible for writing and updating my blog.

I have been told multiple times by multiple people (including my own family in Washington) how valuable this blog has been to them. Vickie did a tremendous job and I am very thankful for the time, creativity, thoughts, etc. that she communicated.

Vickie you have been a blog rock star! Thank you very much!

Now the blog baton has been passed on to me -- Kathi -- and I am responsible for the words and getting the job done. Vic's shoes are probably too big to fill, so I'll try to do my best and not compare myself to her.

Thanks for taking the time to read the blog. It means a lot to me. Blessings, Kathi

2010-01-25T12:32:00.000-08:00

I hope 2010 has begun well. The month of January is passing quickly, but I have been thinking through some of my hopes & goals for this new year. Here we go:

Continuing to work on my recovery work, which includes eating better, exercising more, reading, working puzzles such as Sudoku & crosswords, and such;
To complete the Party Pardee bicycle ride on April 3. I am signed up for the tandem (2 person bike) 100k (65 miles ride);
To ride a bicycle "solo" again by my 50th birthday;
To be a better friend.

Those are some of my goals and hopes for 2010. I know there are more, but we'll go with these for now.

Blessings, Kathi

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2010-01-15T13:30:00.000-08:00

2010 is upon us -- 2009 behind us! Beginning a new year seems to bring us to points of reflection, as well as looking ahead and envisioning what might lie ahead. Here I go:

Reflection: Much of my year (especially the early months) is kind of fuzzy to remember, but there is so much to be thankful for, including:

GOD'S love, care, healing, and all that He has provided;

MY FAMILY: though they live in Washington State, they were connected, helpful, loving, and involved as much as possible;

MY "FOLSOM FAMILY" who have been incredible demonstrators of love, care, grace, and so much more;

FRIENDS: ones which I have had for years, but also the opportunity to meet new people and develop new friendships;

REHABILITATION: from physical, occupational, and speech my rehab specialists did an incredible job in helping me with my recovery;

TO PARTICIPATE AGAIN IN: the driving of my car, to ride a bicycle, and to help lead a Bible study small group through my church;

GOING TO DISNEYLAND: for the first time in about 20 years or so;

GOING TO WASHINGTON STATE for Christmas and spend a week with my sister's family and to see my brother;

MY FINAL BIKE RIDE OF 2009 was for 22 miles!

I have heard from multiple people at multiple times that I am a miracle. It has been hard for me to comprehend that statement, but I have been finally coming to grasp that fact.

The reality that I am walking, talking, feeding and caring for myself, driving a car, riding a bicycle, and traveling are incredible demonstrations of God's miraculous work in my life.

Those are incredible truths to remember from 2009. Come back in a few days and I will be sharing some of my dreams and goals for 2010.

While You Were Sleeping

2009-11-07T05:28:00.000-08:00

After I awoke from my coma and began to comprehend and understand things a little better, and was eventually released from the hospital, I realized that much had changed around me - or there were at least some things I didn't (and still don't) remember.

I would ask a friend, "When did that building go up?" Her answer was most often "While you were sleeping." I heard that answer more than once.

Though our bodies and/or our minds might 'stand still,' the world does not. Things continue to move forward. Life doesn't necessarily wait around for us.

I was sitting in church one weekend and all the songs we sang seemed 'new' to me. Our church hired a new worship pastor. I didn't know if these were new songs that he introduced to us or if I just didn't remember them. I think it was a little of both. They are terrific songs, but it felt weird not knowing them. I didn't seem to engage as well as I had in the past.

At a recent service I realized that I knew all the songs! Some of the songs have been around a little while, but others were those that I had learned over the past few months.

3G Networks

Another thing that I have needed to find out about is all this 3G network stuff with mobile phones. What was that all about? I began to look on-line and found out that it has to do with higher speeds and performance, as well as easy access and high speed mobile broadband . . . something like that.

It still doesn't make much sense to me, but I began thinking that I have come up with a 3C Network!

3C Networks

What is a 3C Network you might ask? Well, for me, I became aware of this while learning to ride a tandem bicycle. There is at least 3 C's to be aware of:

CENTERED: Be centered was one of my first requirements. I wasn't supposed to lean to the right or the left, but to remain centered behind the lead rider, Tom. I would focus on the center of Tom's back and try to remain in that position, even as we turned corners. Having ridden a tandem bike with Tom four times now, that has gotten easier.

COMMUNICATION: Communication has been vital and Tom has been a terrific communicator. He will tell me where my pedals need to be positioned, when to pedal, when he is sifting gears, when and what way we are turning, when we're stopping and when we were going to go over a bump. He communicated very important things to me and it has made our rides that more more enjoyable.

CELEBRATION: Though I think there are C's that make a good ride on a tandem bicycle, my final C is celebration. Last week two of the women on my bicycling team brought their bikes and joined Tom and me on our ride. Our ride was the furthest we had gone. It was terrific to have my friends with me on the ride. They were very excited and celebrated with me being on a bike again.

One of my friends with us was Kathy. Kathy was the other woman who was hit by the same car I was. This was the first time we've ridden together since our accident in June 2008. It was a joyous celebration!

Those C's have something to do with higher speeds and performance. I have now ridden the furthest I have since my accident. It feels so good to be on a bicycle again.

Though I am thankful for Tom's leadership, I am extremely grateful to God for His healing, His grace, His love, and His care. As well, these 3 C's are important in the spiritual realm, too.

CENTERED: Keeping focused on God. Life has been a bit challenging at times for me and hasn't made a lot sense at times, but as I put my focus back on God and off my circumstances, it makes a world of difference.

COMMUNICATION: Prayer and reading the Bible are ways in which God and I communicate. Though God doesn't give all the answers, He does reassure me of His presence and that He does have a plan.

CELEBRATION: Worshipping God, celebrating Him, and focusing on all that He has done is an opportunity to honor God for who He is and what He has done. It also helps in keeping one centered and keeping those communication lines open.

While I was sleeping life went on. There are things that I am beginning to recognize and remember. It is a good journey to be able to be on.

Whether it is 3Gs or 3Cs, whether it is new songs or familiar songs, it is great to be awake and to be able to enjoy life - the new things and the familiar things.

Trust Part II

2009-10-17T10:39:00.000-07:00

TRUSTING: THE NEXT STEP

Last week I blogged about how my first attempt at a bike ride in over a year, as well as it being a tandem bike I hadn't been on before, taught me a lot about trust. This week I trusted Tom again as he took me out on a tandem bike again.

The second ride was as fun as the first, but I think my trust level was a little higher. Since I had ridden with Tom before, I knew what to expect and he was faithful again as a leader. We're supposed to go on ride number three next week.

One of the things that I have learned over the years as a follower of Jesus is that my trust (faith) in Him can increase as I see His faithfulness in my life. I can look back over the time since I began to follow Jesus and see the faithfulness of God.

Therefore, when new opportunities arise for me to place my trust/faith in God, sometimes it is easier - because God has been faithful in the past, I know He will be faithful in the present and the future. Since I am human, I don't always cling to that truth and can become anxious and focused on the challenge instead of focusing on God.

TRUST NEXT STEPS

This past weekend (October 10 and 11) it was announced to my church where I have been on staff for just over three years that I was going on permanent disability and will no longer be working on our ministry staff at Lakeside church.

TRUST

It was a hard, but relatively easy, decision for me to make. It was hard because I loved working at Lakeside. A wonderful staff team, incredible vision of service, and tremendous people who make up our church. I had the opportunity to use my gifts and talents in some neat ways.

It was a relatively easy decision in that my brain is still having its challenges - memory, processing, multi-tasking, impatience, frustration, and being overwhelmed are some of the challenges with my brain injury. Though physically I feel well, I knew I was not ready to return to work now and I am uncertain at what point in time I may be ready.

It was a wise decision for me as I can work on some recovery things. I will also look into volunteer opportunities. It is possible that I will have the opportunity to work with an organization or two to speak to people about drinking, driving and distractions.

TRUST CAN LEAD TO PEACE

How do I feel? I am sad and working through this loss. I am also at peace, because I believe that this is God's direction for my life. I also believe that God does have a plan for my life. I may not know what that is today, but I know I can trust God with my today and with my future.

Faithful and trustworthy: that is who God is.

I will continue to live in California and attend Lakeside Church. I will continue to work on exercises to help my brain, reading, and doing some writing. And I will seek to continue to trust God and His leading and provision for my life.

Trust

2009-10-07T13:44:00.000-07:00

How would you define trust? In Random House Webster's Dictionary it states: "Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc. of a person or thing: confidence."

A friend recently told me that he would be willing to ride a tandem bike with me, but he asked me if I "trusted him" Hmmm, I thought, yes, I trust you. I wasn't sure why that was important.

TRUSTING TOM

On Friday of this past week, I had a new opportunity to trust. Tom is the physical therapist I am working with to help give me strength and conditioning to ride a bike again one day. Tom has been incredibly encouraging, insightful, and pushing me in new areas.

On Friday, Tom was set to take me out on a bicycle. There are a couple of important factors here: one, I haven't rode a bicycle since my accident on June 18, 2008. The second thing was that this bicycle was a tandem bicycle - two people riding on the same bike at the same time. I hadn't been on a tandem bike before.

Tom explained what we would do and how t

o do it. He said that he would be communicating to me along the way - everything from when and which way we would turn, where I should position my pedals, when we would be hitting a bump, and when he would be shifting gears.

Since I was on the back seat, an interesting situation arose. All I could see in front of me was Tom's back! I couldn't see where we were going or what was in front of us. I had to trust Tom.

Since I have been working with Tom over a number of weeks now, what I knew about Tom was very positive. He knows what he is doing, he is compassionate, he cares about the progress I am making, and he knows that things like this can be a challenge for me.

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

We began our bike adventure in the parking lot, which enabled me to get used to this new bike. Tom went at an easy speed, he communicated along the way, and he was sensitive to how I was doing. A few minutes in the parking lot, then off to the streets that were nearby.

Honestly, I was very nervous at first. I held very tightly to my handlebars. As we were making our way around the lot though, eventually my nervousness began to reside a bit. Then we hit the streets!

The morning was sunny, cool and a light breeze was blowing. It felt really good. I really enjoyed being on a bicycle again! While on the road again, there was a little traffic, but I wasn't scared by it. There were a couple of times when a car would be approaching behind us, but it didn't make me nervous. That is huge, because I was hit from behind by a care while riding a bike. I wasn't sure how I'd react to a care being behind us. (We were in the bicycle land on the side of the road.)

Tom was a trustworthy leader. He had integrity (he did exactly what he said he would do), he had the necessary strength and ability . . . I placed my confidence in Tom and it was well worth it. We'll be taking more rides on the tandem and because of my experience with Tom last week, I can trust him in the future.

TRUSTING GOD

God has given me plenty of new opportunities to trust Him. I wash I could say that I constantly and fully have trusted God each step of the way, but I haven't.

I have been scared, uncertain, and at times, anxious. I have needed to trust God with health, healing, provision of finances, my job, my well-being, my relationships and more. Each stop of the way though, God has been faithful, he has been trustworthy.

God is a God of integrity. He is the Promiser who keeps His promises! God has infinite strength and the ability to pass all abilities. There is none like Him. God is the Creator of the universe and rules over all. He communicate through His Word - the Bible - and is faithful in all He does.

I may not be able to see what is in front of me, but I know I have a faithful, capable and trustworthy Leader.

As I seek to live out this week ahead, there will be plenty of opportunities to trust God anew. Thought I don't know the plans that god has for me, He does, and I can TRUST HIM with those plans.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declare the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

The Proper Power Source

2009-09-20T12:01:00.000-07:00

I have not been much of a techy-type or electronics person in my lifetime. There is one thing, though, that I pretty much know for certain: it is important to know and take advantage of the proper power source for an item.

Today I felt I hit the jackpot! There were a few items that I own that have been challenging me as of late. I wasn't able to use these items to their full capabilities. I was working my way through a container that held numerous, and not very clearly identified, electronic plug-ins. I began to look a little closer to discover that these gadgets were very likely the answer to my electronics challenges.

Sure enough, of three items that posed a challenge to me, all three are now working! The issue was that they were not adequately charged; they needed to be re-charged. I wasn't fully aware of the resources that were available to me and to my gadgets.

During my recovery, people have commented on how well I've been doing. To be honest, those comments often surprise me. On the inside I can be challenged by depression, discouragement, disillusionment and disappointment. Life right now is hard and has its challenges. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things for me to praise God for each day. He has blessed me, healed me, provided for me and more.

Also, God has been the Proper Power Source for me. As a follower of Jesus, God the Holy Spirit resides in my life. He gives me strength, endurance, perspective, guidance and more to live each day well, and to walk through the challenges of life. God is the One who enables me to have the strength and power I need. I'm am not sure how I could have made it this far without God and without His followers helping to care and support me.

Each day, and throughout some days, I pray and ask God to be in control of my life, to enable me to live so that I would honor Him, and to have strength to face what the day will hold for me. That is what gives me hope and perspective to live each day. I don't always do that well - I too often take back the control of my life that is better off in God's hands.

That is the Proper Power Source and One that I need to be connected to. If I'm not, just like my little electronic gadgets, my power source will be woefully inadequate and I will begin sounding like a worn down iPod.

How Is Spike?

2009-09-11T15:44:00.000-07:00

Now some of you may ask, "Who is Spike?" Spike is my cat who I have had for ten years. I brought him home when he was about 12-weeks old. Spike is special for a number of reasons. Here they are:

I decided to get a cat when my mom had decided to retire from work and move down to California with me for part of each year. My mom was born on the Oregon coast, so hot weather was not one of her favorite things, therefore that's why she would have been here for only part of each year. We talked about getting a cat. Since friends of mine had a cat who was pregnant, I put in a request for one of their kittens. That was the year my mom died. She never got to move to California or to meet Spike, but I know she would have liked him.
Spike is part Manx (you know, those cats with no tails). Spike has a partial tail (his brother was born looking exactly like him, but Spike's sister had a full tail). I named Spike Spike because I felt that the other kitties in the neighborhood might tease him, so I gave him a tough boy name. He does live up to his name at times!
Spike is quite the traveler and has settled in well in a few different places. I guess you could say he is able to adapt well. From Elk Grove, CA flying to Chicago, IL; living in Wheaton Il; driving to Seattle, WA from Wheaton; living at my brother-in-law and sister's home with two dogs and another cat, my nephew and niece; driving to Folsom, CA; living with some friends at their home in Elk Grove for awhile; moving into our apartment in El Dorado Hills; hanging out and holding "down the fort" in the apartment until his mommy came home from the hospital.

Spike has been a part of my life for a good while. He greets me at the door when I come home (unless he is trying to get out of the apartment for a while and tries to run outside). Though I don't consider myself a cat woman, I do enjoy my cat a lot.

The answer to the above question is that Spike is doing very well, though I think the heat has been a tad too much for him at times. I love that he hangs out with me and I think he really likes watching the Animal Planet channel with me. I do think he is really glad that his mommy is home now.

Adapting, a great quality for Spike to have, as well as for me. This past year-plus has been a year of adapting to changes and new ways of life. I wouldn't necessarily have chosen this path myself, but God has been with me each step of the way. There have been incredible blessings in the midst of walking through one of the most challenging times of my life (though I think the death of both of my parents were the most challenging).

If I didn't adapt, I would miss out on so much good and would have been whining about what I felt like I had lost. Sometimes losses give us the opportunity to experience new gains that we would not have experienced otherwise. yes, there is grieving in the losses, but there can be much celebrating in the new gains. It can take awhile to see the gains, but I believe they are there, though they may look different than what we're used to.

I appreciate the tremendous gifts God has given over this past year. Some of the gifts are yet "to be opened," so it will be an interesting journey along this path where God is leading.

Fear

2009-08-14T13:43:00.000-07:00

Do you live in fear? I think I am coming to recognize that I have lived a good portion of my life in fear. Fearful or afraid of what? you might ask. I think I can identify some of the fears, but in all reality, I'm on a journey of discovery. Some of my known fears: of flying - actually it is of crashing; of rejection; of ridicule; of failing; even though I am a follower of Jesus and know where I am going when I die, I've been afraid of dying a good part of my life; and I have often been afraid of the unknown.

What good have these fears gotten me? Not much, actually. Fear tends to hinder me. I don't take initiative as much as I could. I don't try things I would like to. I even didn't fly on a plane - once. I almost didn't take a job that would required a lot of flying. I'm sure glad that I came to realize that wasn't a good enough reason not to take the job. I flew quite often, getting to see places I hadn't seen and meeting people I probably would have never met.

There has actually been some fear with this latest journey I am on - so much unknown for me. Will I physically recover fully from my accident? I don't know. Will my brain fully recover? Another unknown. Will I have my job back and be able to function adequately? Unknown. Financially will I be okay? Hmmm . . . Why do I fear? It can usually be connected with my lack of trust, a limited faith in a faithful God.

Every day you and I walk through lives filled with many unknowns. Yours may be different than mine, or they may be the same. But the coolest thing is that God does know - and He has the power and control of the future. God is capable, He is trustworthy, He cares, He loves, and He is all-knowing (just to name a few attributes).

Celebrating the Little Things

2009-07-26T16:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went for a swim in the pool at my apartment complex. This wasn't the first time I have been in a pool since my accident, but it had been a while. I had called a friend and left her a voice mail to let her know what I was doing. Later in the afternoon she called me and asked how my swim went. I don't think I sounded overly excited about the "five laps" that I had swam. Debby's response was different: "You swam five laps!" (There may have even been a 'congratulations' in there.)

Congratulations for swimming five laps?! Yes, because it is basically a miracle that I can swim at all. One of my therapists shared with me recently that I am comparing my recovery to 'before' my accident, not since my accident. Before my accident I, at times, could swim a mile - a few more laps than five! But, since my accident, my leg is healing and getting stronger and I am able to swim FIVE LAPS, as of yesterday . . . what will next week bring?

Earlier in my recovery I was told to celebrate the little things, because the little things represent healing and progress. Since I have been feeling better, I had forgotten those important words. When I couldn't (or can't) do something that I often could before my accident, I get disappointed and frustrated, instead of celebrating.

Debby, thanks for the reminder and the encouragement.

Do you have something to celebrate today? Don't be ashamed or embarrassed. Go for it!

Blessings,

Kathi

One In A Million!

2009-07-15T12:22:00.000-07:00

On Monday I read an article by Lee Woodruff in Parade Magazine. Lee is the wife of Bob Woodruff, who was the anchor of ABC news. Bob suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) while covering a story in Iraq. I read a terrific book, In An Instant, by the Woodruffs regarding Bob's injury. I was encouraged by the book, as I, too, suffered a TBI a year ago.

In the article, it states that 1.4 million people in the USA suffer a brain injury every year. That does not include the over 300,000 veterans who have suffered TBI's in Iraq and Afghanastan. The article mentions some dramatic medical breakthroughs in this area. Praise God for the progress being made, as I am a recipient of the tremendous progress that has been made. My recovery is still in process, but the progress I have made is astounding. In fact, I am just beginning to grasp how serious my injury was and the incredible recovery I have been blessed with. God has been so good to me.

I am grateful for the doctors, nurses, therapists, and other medical personnel who have been used in my healing and recovery. I also have a tremendous friend network/community that has been an incredible blessing: taking care of me, watching out for me, cheering me on, and sticking with me. I know there have been times that I haven't acted like I needed help or have been a very good "recoverer." (If that is even a word.) But I am grateful.

Articles such as Lee's give me and the other TBI sufferers hope. It is a long journey and to know that progress continues to be made gives encouragement to keep pressing on. And thanks to all of you who are those encouragers to me and the other 1.4 million.

Blessings,

Kathi

The Prodigal God

2009-07-04T09:30:00.001-07:00

I began reading an incredible book this week - "The Prodigal God" by Timothy Keller. If you haven't heard of it or read it, I'd encourage you to get yourself a copy. Dr. Keller is one of this year's speakers at the Leadership Summit, so it is good preparation material, if you're attending the conference. Plus, it is a good book!

You may or may not be familiar with the story/parable in the Bible regarding the prodigal son. Dr. Keller "uses one of the best-known Christian parables to reveal an unexpected message of hope and salvation."

I've been encouraged, amazed, challenged and extended hope. It is a book that I needed to read.

God is a God of hope, of grace, of love, of truth, of forgiveness, of life-change . . . changing our lives from the inside out (though often using outside factors) to continue to transform our lives to be more like Jesus.

The accident that I am in recovery from is an "outside factor" that God is using to change my life. Just this morning, I think for the first time, in my prayers I thanked God for this accident. I haven't been thankful for this accident, because to me the results have been quite an inconvenience and pain (sometimes a literal pain). How can one be thankful for such a bad thing?

One can be thankful because God can, and does, bring good things out of bad situations. It is an opportunity to experience God's faithfulness to His promises: being in control, love, strength, grace, healing, provision, care, etc.

In my mind, things at times have seemed out of control and taking too long. God's timing is often different than our own. God often times has a different plan that is connected in the circumstances He has us walking through. God is a good and a loving God - that is WHO HE IS - therefore I can trust Him to be good and loving to me, even when it may not always look that way through my eyes. But if I look at these things through eyes of faith and God's words to me through the Scriptures, then I can obtain a much better perspective, an accurate perspective.

That doesn't mean it isn't hard or challenging, but throughout the process God is faithfully with us. He does not abandon His children. It enables us to represent Him to a world that is in desperate need of Him - to extend love, hope, grace and forgiveness.

In the early 1990's, my mother heard the message of the prodigal son through a speaker by the name of Billy Graham. I know my mom was familiar with the story, but that evening in particular, my mom responded to the message Dr. Graham shared, and she decided to become a follower of Jesus that evening. I don't remember the words Dr. Graham communicated, but that doesn't matter. The words were full of hope, grace and love to my mother who now is spending eternity with her Savior.

The Visit

2009-06-26T17:36:00.000-07:00

I knew this day was going to come, but I wasn't sure when. After the sentencing hearing for the young woman who hit me and my friend, Kathy, with her car, I knew I wanted to visit her in jail. Finally, I focused myself in pursuing the visit and today (June 24) "The Visit" took place. I am glad it did.

To be honest, I was a bit nervous. I don't feel comfortable with "small talk" with someone I don't know. I did want Brandi to know that I cared about her and was wondering how she is doing. It was good to see her, listen to what she had to share, and pray for her. There was no reason to be nervous and my plan is to visit her again.

Jail is not an easy place to be, so please pray for Brandi - for good health, safety, time to go quickly (she misses her family) and for good things to come out of a mistake that was made.

Thank you for your prayers for me. I know God hears them and is answering them.

Blessings,

Kathi

Success Part II

2009-06-16T17:40:00.001-07:00

June 18, 2009 marks the one-year anniversary of a horrific accident that I was involved in. My life nearly ended after I was hit by a car while riding my bicycle. Much of the past year is a blur. I've had plenty of good times and have made tremendous progress on the rehabilitation journey. But the recovery is still in process. Some days I feel incredibly good and optimistic, but I have to admit that there are some days that are hard, slow and discouraging.

Many people have been a part of the healing process. I have had some disappointments and limitations. My physical and mental healing have made great strides, but there is still plenty of room to go (though I tend to be in denial of how far I probably have yet to go).

Before my accident, I didn't think I knew anyone who had suffered a brain injury, but I was wrong. My mom suffered a stroke, and my brother had complications (an infection) following surgery that impacted his brain. My cousin's daughter suffered a traumatic brain injury a couple years ago as a result of a car accident. Of those people, I didn't fully grasp the challenges that come from having an injury to one's brain, but there are many. I still don't fully comprehend the injury I sustained, but hopefully I am learning.

I am a person who enjoys anniversaries and special dates. I am extremely grateful for this anniversary. God has been incredibly faithful over this past year. Though there is much I don't remember of June 2008 - June 2009, I'm sure it is a year that I won't forget.

Has this been a successful year?

I don't believe achieving success means that one doesn't experience pain, loss, disappointment or failure. I've experienced all those things this past year. I've made many mistakes, but I am grateful to be alive and know that God is doing a work within my character and enabling me to trust and honor Him.

Success.

Blessings,

Kathi

Note from family: It has been one long year, but we are so grateful for the love and support from each and every one of you. We appreciate all the prayers, meals, gifts and cards . . . and most of all, loving us through this. God has blessed us with an outcome we hoped for, prayed for and dreamed of - to God be the glory! Great things he has done!

How Do You Spell SUCCESS (Part 1)

2009-06-14T20:30:00.000-07:00

It has been nearly one year since I sustained a horrific accident - nearly dying after a motorist and her car collided with me while I was riding my bicycle. Though I am recovering quite nicely, there are days I still allow myself to become frustrated, impatient, and even angry. I still have some hiccups with my memory and brain functions. My stamina is increasing, but still needs to increase. I do need to get the doctor to sign off on my return to work.

I'm not necessarily fond of my limitations, the speed in which I do things is slower. BUT, I am living independently, I am driving my car again, I've made a trip to Disneyland, I have meaningful conversations, I go to my wonderful church each week, and this week, I rode on a bicycle again! People comment on how good I am looking. I eat food without drooling.

There is no doubt that this is tremendous progress, but is it success?

Some days I ask myself: what will success look like on this journey? Is it the things I've listed above? Is it getting back to work? Is it doing now (responsibility-wise) what I did before the accident? Is it having complete healing in my brain? Is it not experiencing pain, discomfort, and/or limitations physically? Is it being alive?

How would you answer those questions? How would you define success?

Please know that I am celebrating the progress that has been made - I am incredibly grateful to God for His healing, His provision, His grace, His love, His care, His goodness and more! I want to be a woman of faith, who not only celebrates the past and what God has done, but trusts Him with the future, whatever that looks like.

Thank you to those who have been a part of this recovery journey: through your prayers, your time, your giving of resources, you encouragement and your unwavering support. It means a lot to me.

Blessings!

Kathi

How Many Steps Does It Take?

2009-06-12T16:16:00.000-07:00

Today I was on a bicycle for the first time in nearly one year. In my mind, my expectations were that I would sit on the bike, get things adjusted as needed, have some "spotters" for a little while, and then ride the bike like I did last June.

Were my expectations too high?

I did get on the bike and my dear "spotters" helped me with balance and getting used to the seat and the bike. Adjustments were made as needed. But it wasn't that easy - it was hard. When I began peddling the bike with my dear friends helping out, it was a struggle, I think mainly with balance. I was nervous, as well as I was much more afraid than I thought I would be. I was impatient with myself and with the process. I wanted this day to come and get right back out there riding - but that didn't exactly happen.

My expectations were too high.

My friends were incredible supporters and cheerleaders. Where I thought I failed, they were so excited for me. As I explained the experience with my physical therapist, Felicia, she was happy for me and said "its' the first step. A step at a time."

A lot of this recovery process has been "a step at a time," but I usually don't want it to take that long. It is not failure to take a step at a time, but progress - progress in the right direction .

Are you in the midst of some sort of process? Remember to take a step at a time . . . and celebrate the steps you are able to take.

Blessings,

Kathi

Stop Mommy, It Hurts!

2009-05-30T14:32:00.000-07:00

I knew something wasn't quite right as he made his way through the front door. On his back were a bunch of prickly little things, as well as on his tummy. Spike - my cat - must have found a lovely little place outside to lay in and roll around in.

I was able to get some of the things off his back, but because Spike has a sensitive tummy, he wouldn't let me at those. I found his little brush and was able to work many of the things off his back, and then I turned him over. But the growl Spike made, as well as the showing of his claws and teeth, I knew Spike wasn't very happy about his endeavor. I felt like he was saying to me, "stop mommy, this hurts." But couldn't he tell I was trying to help him?

That got me think: how often I have complained, growled, shown my claws and fangs in this recovery process. "Stop God, this hurts," I might be saying. God might just be responding, "Can't you tell I am trying to help you?"

The little aches, pains, delays and inconveniences I'm walking through don't always feel good, but they are a part of the healing/recovery process. They are good things, like me trying to remove little thorns from Spike's tummy. Maybe I'll see, like Spike, that after the thorns are gone, it will feel better.

I do know the reality that all my aches, pains, and inconveniences may not all go away, but through the process I am learning about God's care and provision - that will never go away.

The 49er Club

2009-05-22T13:30:00.000-07:00

When I was young girl, growing up in the Seattle area with my family, I was already a sports fan. There was a point in time, due to the lack of professional teams in Seattle then, that I was a fairly significant San Francisco 49ers fan. Those wee the days when John Brodie was playing. (I was a John Brodie fan.) But in due time, we got "our team" and loyalties transferred.

I do have to say I have joined a 49ers club this year - not that one in the Bay Area - but I recently had my 49th birthday.

In a birthday card I received from a friend in Hawaii, she wrote, "What a special birthday this is for you! Being there were a few days last year when it was rather tenuous as to whether or not you'd see this birthday! But I am so happy to be sending this card because that means my life is blessed because you're still in it! (Yes, it's all about me - even on your birthday.)" THANKS T2! CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU.

I am happy about having been able to celebrate this year's birthday. A few of my friends here have joined The 49er Club too, so we're each pounding a little harder on the door to 50! We've been encouraging on another, supporting one another, and growing older together. That is a good thing. It has been a tough year for me - a year that has zoomed by quickly; and a year holding things which I was not expecting. But in reality there has been much good this year. Experiencing God's love, mercy, healing, grace and provision. Experiencing the love and care of family (my sisters, brother-in-law, brother, niece and nephew) and many friends.

I am continuing to feel better physically and mentally, but I do know that I am still on the road to recovery. This type of road is not one that I would have necessarily signed up for, but I am grateful for that God is doing in me, as well as how He has used this in some people's lives. Blessing and gifts from an unexpected route on the journey.

Disneyland 2009!

2009-05-18T16:49:00.000-07:00

Last week I had a great opportunity to do something that I haven't done in about 20 years: go to Disneyland! I can honestly say that things, as I remember, have changed a tad, though it is basically the same place - the happiest place on earth.

My friends, Steve & Vickie, and I drove (well, Vic and I rode); my brother in law, sister and niece flew from Seattle to meet us. My niece, Emma (just 11 years old) was quite the animal on the rides. I'm so glad that my brother-in-law, Dave, was there so that he, not me, could accompany Em. I did go on a good shares of rides myself. I did enjoy "Soaring Over California," "California Screaming," (though my eyes were closed a good portion of the time) and the Buzz Lightyear laser tag game. The one time I rode the "Tower of Terror" was good enough for me - been there, done that! Good family/friends, good food, and good fun made for a wonderful week. I do have to admit, I came home a little tired.

This week doesn't quite have the schedule as last week, though a couple of rehab appointments, counseling and Brain Gain workshop will keep me busy and I am sure will hold plenty of good times as well - all helping me on this road of recovery.

Mother's Day: A Special Day Set Aside for Special People

2009-05-09T13:44:00.000-07:00

April 16 of this year marked the 10th anniversary of my mom passing away. My mom was an interesting person, though there was much more to her than I ever knew. This morning, as well as the past few days, thoughts of my mom have been on my mind. What have I been thinking?

My mom loved her three children to the best of her ability.
My mom loved her two grandchildren very, very much.
I am so grateful that besides knowing her grandson, Cody, before she passed away, my mom had a year with her granddaughter, Emma. My mom loved Cody and Emma very much.
My mom had a very recognizable laugh and she had a twinkle in her eyes when she smiled. (I miss those things.)
My mom had a generous heart.
My mom was a big sports fan and we went to a San Francisco Giants baseball game together at Candlestick Park; our only time to see a game at that ballpark.
When I moved to California the first time, we would have weekly phone calls - if not more than once a week.
And I have also been thinking - I would have like more time with her, but I am thankful for what time I did have.

I am learning in my life, and through my recovery from this accident, I too often focus on the wrong things. I have focused too much on what my limitations still are, instead of celebrating the victories - matter how small they seem to me. My mom didn't have the easiest of lives. She didn't have a lot of self-confidence, but she was a good person. When my mom was alive, as her child, I wanted her to be 'different.' I focused too much on the limitations I felt my mom had and what I felt she wasn't doing (or doing enough of). As a result, there was much that I missed out on. I want to see life - mine and others - through different eyes/lenses.

One thing that I am grateful for is that my mom was in heaven at the time of my accident. My accident and lengthy recovery would have been incredibly difficult for her, so she was in the perfect place to see all that God has done, and is doing, throughout this process.

God, thank You so much for my mom that You gave me. This Mother's Day I celebrate her and I worship You for her.

Mercy, Mercy, Mercy!

2009-04-29T17:25:00.000-07:00

Monday was a special day, as Vickie and I made a visit to Mercy General Hospital in Sacramento. Mercy was the hospital where I stayed from early July until towards the end of August. It was here that I had the opportunity to have some wonderful nurses and rehab specialists do their tremendous work on me. They were used to help me make great strides in my recovery.

It was an incredible feeling to walk into the section where I spent that time - being recognized, glad to be seen, and to encourage those who were there. I recognized a number of staff (though I didn't remember all their names), the wing of the hospital was familiar and memories . . . some of them very funny . . . came to mind.

The men and women who work in the rehab department of Mercy General are truly gifted. They do a tremendous work on a daily basis to help people like me who are trying to make their way back to living somewhat of a normal life. (Yet, I'm sure without a lot of credit.) They were glad to see me and communicated that they don't always have the opportunity to re-connect with those they've helped. I was happy to see them too; they were such a blessing to me.

I think another visit will be in order one day.

On Sunday I had the opportunity to attend a service at the church in Elk Grove where I spent about eight years on staff. It was great to visit and see a number of people I knew - some who I haven't seen in a very long time. A lot of changes have taken place since I left, but they're good changes. What hasn't changed are the friendly, loving people who worship God there.

THANKS, GOD, FOR A TREMENDOUS WEEKEND! IT WAS SUCH A BLESSING TO ME TO BE ABLE TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD A TREMENDOUS IMPACT IN MY LIFE. I think that might just be mercy!

DRIVE AGAIN? DRIVE AGAIN!

2009-04-22T10:40:00.000-07:00

The words "DRIVE AGAIN" have a couple of connotations for me. One it is the name of an organization that assists people who have been unable to drive for mobility reasons to possibly begin to drive. Secondly, it was something I have really wanted to do. I hadn't driven a car in about ten months. The thought had crossed my mind once or twice whether I would be able to drive again . . . ever. This past Sunday I had the opportunity to drive again!

I worked with a man by the name of Duane, an Occupational Therapist, who conducted some tests - about an hour to and hour-and-a-half. He was very pleased with how I did. Then, came the exciting part: to go driving. I drove Duane's equipped car and we eventually made it to Roseville and then back to El Dorado Hills.

How did it feel? It felt normal; it felt good; it felt relaxing (for the most part). Duane told me that he would have realized that I hadn't driven in such a long time, along with having my injury, if he had not already known. WOW!

After the class I was excited, I was encouraged, and I was fairly tired - all good stuff. Passing this evaluation was huge for me; it was another positive step in the recovery process.

On Wednesday of this week I have an appointment with a physical therapist who will be looking at my knee that was injured a tad in the accident. I've been having some aches and pains (nothing too severe), so we'll see what I can be doing to strengthen the knee, if that is what needs to happen. Then on Thursday I have an appointment with the Department of Rehabilitation that helps people getting back into the workforce. I really don't know what to expect at this meeting, but I'll find out soon enough.

It has been a fairly busy couple of weeks. I'm encouraged and grateful for all that is happening. I have been volunteering at a couple of elementary schools in the area, I had the opportunity to visit with two friends from my hometown in Washington that I haven't seen in quite a few years, and I attended an introductory/informational workshop for a 5-part seminar called the Brain Gain.

All the things listed above are a part of my rehabilitation process . . . positive steps in the right direction.

Kathi

How Was Your Easter?

2009-04-18T10:10:00.000-07:00

A week ago, many of us took the opportunity to celebrate Easter. How was your Easter this year? Any different than in years past?

I was a tad concerned because I wasn't sure if I was going to get an Easter basket this year. (Yes, as an adult, there is still a hankering for the chocolate sweetness the Easter basket can bring.) But I was pleasantly surprised: no, I didn't get an Easter basket; I got two of them!

At my church, we had a weekend of Easter. In order to allow as many people as possible to hear the incredible story of God's love and sacrifice for us, Lakeside Church offered Easter gatherings on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Throughout the six worship gatherings over those three days, many people had an opportunity to hear and respond to the message of the death and resurrection of Jesus. An act of sacrifice that was done by God, on behalf of humanity, in order to have a relationship with the people he created.

As I sat and listened, to be honest, I was a tad distracted. A couple of days before Easter, I began looking at some photographs of me taken in the hospital shortly following my accident that took place in June. My body was battered and bruised; my eyes were black, blue and swollen. I had tubes going into me and coming out of me. I was connected to monitors that communicated to medical personnel how I was doing.

It is these pictures that communicate to me how serious my injuries were. I have no recollection otherwise. But it was these pictures that were coming to my mind on Saturday evening. My life on earth nearly ended at that time.

This Easter became very special to me, because I almost wsn't here to be able to celebrate all that God has done for me through His Son, Jesus. Jesus went through a horrific death for me - and for you. But it didn't stop there - Jesus, who had been dead for three days, was raised from the dead. He was alive!

Journal Entry: "At church last night, my accident was constantly on my mind. My mind was flooded with pictures of me following my accident. I almost died. Actually, maybe I really died. (Is that what is called 'metaphorical'?) What if the 'old Kathi' was supposed to die that day, but the 'new Kathi' was to come to life?"

I told someone recently that I wasn't necessarily liking the 'new Kathi' (if that was who I was seeing and/or experiencing). BUT, what if God is showing Kathi a little more clearly the old, icky stuff in her life in order that the 'new Kathi' can emerge from the gunk and to present a 'resurrected Kathi.' (Far, far from God-like, but evidence of God's powerful, transforming work.)

Transformation, that is what God is about doing: working within people's live to change them and bring about a lasting, eternal work that only God can do. Sometimes God uses things like car accidents and physical limitations to do part of that work. God can, and does, a good work in bad or unexplainable accidents. But because of God's character, He can be trusted.

This recovery process has had good days and hard days, but God has been there each step of the way. He continues the physical, mental, and emotional healing aspect of the accident, but He is also doing a work within me that reflects an even deeper healing.

This Easter for me was different for me, not just because of some limitations in my life, but because as someone who faced the prospect of death a little too closely, a deeper appreciation formed in my heart and mind of what Jesus went through on my behalf.

Who or What Are You Waiting For?

2009-04-08T10:45:00.000-07:00

I had this lesson a few years back, but I recognize it is a tough one for me to learn. I was waiting to hear from someone regarding a possible job, but she wasn't contacting me . . . I was growing a tad impatient. While taking a walk one day, I complained to God: "Why haven't I heard from 'Suzie?' I've been waiting for her for a long time. Decisions need to be made." The answer was impressed upon my soul - "You're not waiting for Suzie, you're waiting for Me."

This answer was not an audible voice from God, but I knew it was from Him. In the process of waiting, often times, it seems like we're waiting on people and circumstances. God is one whose timing is perfect for His plans and purposes . . . and it often seems such a different time frame and plan than my own.

I feel like throughout this process I have been waiting for: doctors, medical personnel, appointments, referrals, phone calls, emails, healing, getting back to work, driving once again, getting on a bicycle, and the Chicago Cubs baseball team to return to the World Series. This is just the short list!

I'm in the process of memorizing the Bible passage of Psalm 37:1-8. I have made it to verse 7. This morning I read, "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him." Stillness and patience! Those aren't necessarily easy words for me to hear, but they're the right ones . . . and they really are good words for me.

God is teaching me a lot about His character, His grace, His sovereignty, and that He is in control - and that it is about His timing. He is doing a work within me (in my character), as well as this healing process. God has been healing me, inside and out. For that I am truly grateful. It doesn't necessarily happen according to my time frame, but I am going to seek to find out more about being still before God and waiting patiently for HIM.

God is worthy of my trust. Much good will come out of waiting on Him for His plans and purposes to be accomplished.

Kathi

An Entry From My Journal -3/28/09

2009-03-29T16:21:00.000-07:00

There is something interesting going on inside of me, I think in my soul. First, I need to recognize/admit to how anxious I must have been feeling.

Some days my stomach felt like there was a "pit" in it; a heaviness. I know I've been struggling with depression and there were days - that is how I felt internally - depressed.

My doctor and therapy appointments were good - I was progressing! But why was I feeling so empty inside?

The last couple of appointments have been different. I left them with a greater sense of hope and expectancy.

Throughout this journey, I know I've had hope: God's hope and His presence, His provision and His care. I am - and have been - completely in His hands.

NOT that my doctors and therapists have been hopeless - because they haven't been. They've been supportive, encouraging and helpful. BUT the last couple of appointments I have felt hope had been extended to me. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and no - it is not a train.

There is talk about and a process to getting back to work; to driving again; and even to riding a bike again.

I did believe I was going to be able to do these things again, but in some ways I think I was beginning to doubt those possibilities.

What am I feeling inside of me this morning? I am feeling hope, happiness, peace, satisfaction, gratefulness and joy.

One of my favorite recording artists is Chris Tomlin. I appreciate the words of his songs. This weekend I have designated as "Chris Tomlin Weekend." I am predominantly, if not completely, listening to his music. I am also memorizing a group of verses from the Scriptures: Psalm 37:1-8. I have memorized up to verse 6. Not bad for someone who had a major brain injury and has struggles with memory issues.

Have a Nice Journey!

2009-03-18T07:44:00.001-07:00

Those were the words from a gentleman gathering his possessions that went through the x-ray contraption that my possessions went through at Sacramento International Airport.

I was preparing to board a flight to Southern California to attend a conference in early 2008. The thing is that I found the man's greeting interesting. I know that numerous people have extended greetings for a 'nice trip' or 'nice flight,' but I don't think ever for a 'nice journey.'

Those words have remained with me for quite awhile, because they were so apropos. We're really on a journey, aren't we? That particular trip was actually going to equip me with important tools for the journey that God had me on.

Journeys are interesting. I remember taking some as a child with my family, and really thinking we were lost. It was a tad frightening for my young mind to comprehend at times; but my parents - my father in particular - were always full of words of reassurance.

The past nine months have held an unexpected leg of my journey - being hit by a car; experiencing a coma and various physical hurts, aches, and pains, challenges with my memory and physical limitations; rest stops; filling of the fuel tank; laughter and tears. It has been a tad frightening at times - but my Heavenly Father in particular - has been extending words of hope, encouragement and reassurance.

Honestly though, I haven't always taken those words to heart. Over the past few weeks, I have felt physically not well (a touch of the flu maybe?); I've been weary; I've been discouraged and even depressed.

I don't like to share those things, because so much good has happened that I feel selfish. I should be grateful for all the good, all the healing, and for all the encouragement I have received.

I am grateful, but I am recognizing, too, that there are hard times.

This weekend was a positive one: appointments were positive, I had some very good conversations with friends, I felt physically better, I got to watch basketball, and the University of Washington men's basketball team made it into the NCAA playoffs: March Madness!

I don't have a date set to go back to work yet and that's okay, but we're definitely moving in the right direction. I've struggled with 'how long' I feel everything has taken: nine months. (I don't think I'd do very well as a pregnant woman.)

People are constantly encouraging me that my progress has been going well and has gone quickly. I know I don't fully comprehend how seriously hurt I was (maybe because I was unconscious during a lot of it). I am trying to take those encouragements to heart and realize that God has done a lot in a 'relatively' short amount of time.

I have a follow-up appointment with a doctor next week where we might get a handle on when I can return to work. A couple of doctors I met with last week were very encouraged with my progress.

Regarding the road map for journeys, there are rarely times that one doesn't experience delays, detours, and distractions; but they then get to their destination and often with added memories and stories to tell.

There will be a lot to share about this leg of the journey: God's faithfulness, love, care, provision, and presence will fill in a lot of the blanks.

What a Week!

2009-03-06T10:45:00.000-08:00

Do you ever have stuff going on in your life, you keep walking through it, and then you hit some milestones and you hadn't realized how much it was weighing on you? That was my week. A couple of things took place that I knew would be coming at sometime, and I was completely exhausted when they were over.

The first was the sentencing hearing for the young woman who while driving her car, struck my friend, Kathy, and me while on our bikes.

On Monday, before the judge, the young woman, and a full courthouse, Kathy, Vickie, my sister Theresa, and I all read victim impact statements. The woman's mom, as well as a friend of her, and the young woman also read statements. The gal pleaded guilty and is now in jail for a year, as well as having a number of years probation.

It was a tremendous blessing to have my sister and brother-in-law, David, there with me. I love them so much and it was great to have their encouragement and support. I knew this day was coming, but it was still hard. I haven't gone through anything like that before. I was tired.

On Tuesday, I went to have some long-awaited neuropsych testing done. It was five hours of testing to get a gauge on where I am following the serious brain injury I had. (Next week I will go in to discuss the results with the doctor.) We should be able to gain some sort of idea when I may be able to return to work. This, too, was very tiring.

Some fun things took place this week, too: I made it to a golf driving range to hit golf balls with my friend's husband and son. Yes, it was evident that I haven't played golf in over a year. But the son and I did beat the dad in a putting competition we were having.

Last week I had the opportunity to get into a swimming pool. A friend and I used kick-boards to motor around the pool. It was a good thing I had a kick-board, as I wasn't very fast and I probably would have sunk. It really did feel great to be in the water.

Then today, another friend and I went on our weekly walk. We increased the length of our walk, about a half mile or so.

All these things communicate progress to me. At times it can feel like a long process (which it is), but then I am encouraged when I can grasp hold of some results.

Thanks for your continued prayer and love!

Living with TBI

2009-02-20T10:53:00.000-08:00

I guess it's about "blog time" again. I've been pretty inconsistent, but I'm working on it. This has been a good week, with not a lot new going on.

Last week was excellent as my sister came to hang out with me for a week. It was very good to see her. Theresa got a little glimpse of my world, as she was able to take me to a couple of appointments. It was unfortunate to see her leave, but I know she has a busy life to live in Washington.

One of the interesting events that happened was my friend, Vickie, and I were interviewed for an article in the Village Life newspaper (a small local paper in my neck of the woods.) The reporter did a very nice job with the article.

I continue to be involved with a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) Support Group. I think there are six or seven of us who have each experienced a TBI. I am the most recent recipient, but it is encouraging to interact with others who have experienced some of the same challenges that I am experiencing. Sometimes this is a lonely journey, though I have wonderful people supporting and encouraging me.

I have not been cleared to go back to work yet, though the doctor appointment that I need to have looks like it should be set soon. One of the major words in my life - thought no always followed well - is the word "patience." Things just take longer, as well as appointments aren't always when I'd like them to be. It really is okay, as I'm probably trying to push things a little quickly.

Recently I have been reminded that this healing/recovery process will take at least a year. With that, my life will probably begin looking a bit different. Now, I don't know what that all means, but part of it has to do with 'adaptation,' learning to adapt to life after experiencing a major brain injury.

One of the things coming down the road is the sentencing of the young woman who hit my friend, Kathy, and I. The woman pleaded guilty to a couple of charges and will be sentenced on March 2. Please keep me in your prayers as I will have an opportunity to speak at the sentencing. I think I'm doing okay with this, but I do know it is on my mind a lot.

Kathi

It's Still a Long Road!

2009-02-03T17:24:00.000-08:00

Recovery continues . . . but it is a process not necessarily according to my timetable. One of the lessons I have learned over these months is that things won't necessarily happen when I want them to, but God is in control and his timing is perfect.

My rehab is almost complete . . . for now - I have the option to return after taking a little break. Even though I really enjoyed those who have served me there, I am going to be glad when this is finished. I am not back at work, and I'm not driving my car, or riding my bike yet. I need to take a special battery of tests that will help my doctors figure out timing on those things. So . . . I wait.

In the meantime, I'm walking a couple of miles everyday, riding my incumbent bike and getting stronger all the time. My sister, Theresa, will be coming for a visit next week, and I'm looking forward to seeing her!

A few weeks ago, the young woman who hit me, and my friend, Kathy, pled guilty to the charges against her. Her sentencing will be the first week of March. I'm happy the court stuff is coming to an end. I'm happy I'm seeing less doctors. I'm happy my medications are being reduced. These are all good things, but the process still isn't complete. My recovery will probably still continue for a while and the "post-accident" Kathi is trying to adapt to new schedules and new ways of doing some things.

I continue to pray for patience and grace, and God will provide!

Kathi

Seven Month Anniversary

2009-01-20T16:50:00.000-08:00

I just returned from my morning walk. It felt great: the sun is shining, it was fairly warm, but there was also a crisp coolness. I think I've begun walking about a mile round-trip. I'm trying to get out there each morning.

This past Sunday (January 18) I was at church and we were standing and singing worship songs to God about His greatness and presence. Then it dawned on me - Sunday was the 7-month anniversary of my accident. I was in awe. I honestly don't remember how bad I was seven months ago, but I do know how well I am doing today. I'm taking fairly long walks, I'm living in my apartment, I'm remembering things better than I was, and I'm feeling good. I'm very grateful for God's goodness to me.

I realize that the things that distract me the most are small, insignificant things that seem to limit my mobility, independence and remind me that I don't have control over everything. Hmmmm. But I have come a long way and I'm grateful to be living, to be walking and thinking. Those are good things. The distractions take my focus off of God and puts the focus on the unwanted thing. That can change ones perspective quite a bit.

A day at a time. One step at a time. It will all add up one day. Keep moving forward. It's a process, a journey. And God is with me every point along the way.

Blessings,

Kathi

Happy New Year!

2008-12-29T13:49:00.000-08:00

It seems weird to already by saying that . . . it's the New Year already? Having been slowed down for six months, I guess that has enabled the year to seem to go by quicker. I'm grateful for 2008 as I had wonderful opportunities and blessings connected with my job, with my incredible family and friends, and even the unexpected: a white Christmas!

I was able to fly to Seattle during Christmas week to stay with my sister and her family. Before boarding my plane, we were already aware that a snow storm hit the area. My flight wasn't hampered at all, but we did have plenty of snow during the week. There aren't too many white Christmases in Seattle, but they're beautiful when they come.

My sister was the only one of my immediate family who had seen me since I'd left the hospital in August, so it was fun and encouraging for all of them to see me since I'm doing so much better. It was a relaxing week - I got plenty of rest and I felt good all week. What a blessing!

Now it is back to finishing up my apartment to move in soon; rehab appointments (not too many of those remaining); and volunteering at my church. I feel rested and re-energized: grateful for the birth of Christ and thankful to be heading into 2009.

Blessings,

Kathi

Christmas Celebration!

2008-12-08T15:48:00.000-08:00

What a weekend! Our church held it's annual event for women to encourage them during the Christmas season. Delicious food, music, and a speaker made up the program. This year's speaker, Shauna Niequist, was tremendous. She is the author of the wonderful book entitled "Cold Tangerines." Her message encouraged, challenged and inspired me.

Another exceptional aspect of the weekend was the great job the team did putting on the program. It was tough for me at times while in the hospital, and not having a part in the planning and preparation. But the team of women did a fabulous job - it was a great event.

Next is Christmas! I'm going to Seattle to visit my sister and her family for a few days over the holiday. It will be a blessing to see them!

UPDATES:

Therapy - My physical therapy is completed, but I have a couple more occupational and speech therapy appointments.
Work - I'm still not back to work, but hopefully soon. I have a doctor's appointment soon with the Physical Medicine and Rehab doctor, and hopefully a plan will be determined at that appointment.
Apartment - Slowly getting things put away and organized in the new pad. I have stayed there on night, but most likely won't be staying there until the fist of next month. My cat, Spike, has been making himself right at home . . . he has run of the place (but to be honest, he always has).
Encouragement - I continue to be encouraged by the many prayers, words of encouragement and support that people have extended to me. It truly has been a gift and blessing.

Kathi

Yahoos!

2008-12-02T17:51:00.000-08:00

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. The family I'm staying with is wonderful and they are tremendous cooks as well. Therefore my day was marked by a delicious meal with wonderful people. I also spoke with my sister and tried to connect with my brother, as well.

I had an appointment with one of my surgeons last week who had operated on me, but whom I don't quite remember meeting. (I don't remember much from "the early days" of my accident.)

This doctor was my Orthopedic surgeon. He looked at my leg he had operated on and I believe he said it was "beautiful." Now, I don't think I had thought of it as beautiful ("interesting" maybe) but honestly, that was good to hear. The leg is healing nicely - Yahoo!

I also had an appointment with my dentist who did a tremendous job of fixing the couple of teeth that had been chipped in the accident. They, too, look beautiful.

In my previous blog, I listed some things that I'm thankful for - I really am thankful to God for many things. My healing body is a biggie. No, it is more than my "healing body," it really is the fact that God has been healing my body. I'm thankful for life and that God enabled me to have more life here.

Also, plans were finalized for me to be in Seattle for a few days over Christmas (that is another Yahoo!) to see my family. Then this morning (Sunday) was yet another Yahoo! as I was at my church once again.

Though I don't get to move back home quite yet, another Yahoo! is that some of my friends from Folsom and El Dorado Hills moved my things from the apartment I was living in to my new apartment. Because my walking and balance have been affected by my accident - and I did live on the second floor of my apartment complex - I was able to get a bottom floor apartment in the same complex.

My friends moved my stuff out of the old and into the new AND cleaned my old apartment! What a tremendous gift and blessing. I was a tad nervous if it all could be done by Sunday, but it was completed Saturday. Honestly, I have an incredible community of people that I am connected with and I could not have walked through this challenging time without them. Yahoo!

Okay, there is at least one more Yahoo! this week. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday my church is holding an event, The Womens Christmas Celebration, featuring author Shauna Niequist. She wrote the delightful book entitled "Cold Tangerines." I really enjoyed the book and I'm really looking forward to meeting her and hearing her speak . . . . yes . . . Yahoo!

I hope that you are experiencing your own slew of Yahoos! You know what I'm 'slowly' finding out about life? Yahoos! in life can be found in unsuspecting places. I've been walking through a challenging time in my life, but I've been blessed in many ways. God can bring Yahoos! out of challenging times. The Scriptures, God's words to us, tell us that God works all things together for good. That doesn't mean all things are good, but God can bring good out of the bad.

Yahoo!

Kathi

Thankful!

2008-11-25T14:02:00.000-08:00

Thursday (November 27), in the U.S., we'll be celebrating Thanksgiving; a great time to gather with family and friends, to reflect on what we're thankful for, and eat wonderful food. I, too, will be gathering with friends and having incredibly delicious food. But it is also a time to give thanks!

Walking through the past five months following an accident where I was critically injured, I thought it would be a good idea to identify some the things I am thankful for. Here we go:

For God saving me - twice (at least). The first time was in 1981 when I entered into a relationship with Him through Jesus Christ. The second time was on June 18 of this year, when He saved my life from a terrible accident with a car while on my bicycle.
For God taking care of me emotionally. I haven't had much anger (except with myself when I'm frustrated with what I see as limitations).
For my family. Both of my parents have passed away, but I am very thankful for the time I had with them. My brother, sister, brother-in-law, nephew and niece. I love them so much.
My job at Lakeside Church. It has been a wonderful place to work, grow and connect. I work and serve with some wonderful people.
My caretakers, Steve and Vickie - than have been a God-send. They have provided a wonderful home and environment to recuperate. (As well as driving me to many places, waiting for me during rehab appointments and feeding me well!)
The paramedics who worked on me and my friend, Kathy.
The helicopter pilot that got me to the hospital.
For the many doctors, nurses, and other medical personnel who operated on me and took wonderful care of me.
For my rehab therapists - they are great.
For the many people who have prayed, given to help meet my needs (including giving blood), have written notes or emails, phoned, and/or visited: the encouragement has been a big part of my healing process.
For the healing that has taken place - I'm definitely a lot better than I was five months ago.
For God bringing good things out of hard times. God's love, care, hope, and faithfulness.

I know the list could be a lot longer, but I'll stop with this and continue to note the many blessings.

It's interesting, but I've begun to look and hear things differently following my accident. While singing at church or listening to music on my iPod - many of the words have a deeper meaning to me. (I hope this isn't just a temporary condition!)

I hope that there is plenty on your "thank you" list.

Love,

Kathi

Five Month Anniversary!

2008-11-19T09:54:00.000-08:00

Isn't it hard to believe that we're close Thanksgiving (in the U.S.) - meaning we're at the end of November? Time has definitely been flying by. Tuesday (November 18) was my five month anniversary since my accident. I've already been out of the hospital and staying with my friends for three months! Wow.

It doesn't "seem" like anything too exciting is going on, so I hesitate writing anything. But friends remind me of the severity of my accident and that it is pretty exciting to see how far I have come in such a short amount of time. When I remember how severe my head injury was, as well as my leg - I am so thankful for God's grace and His healing power; thankful for His placing such incredible, helpful people in my life.

At times, I must admit, that I get kind of discouraged. I know I still have some limitations and boundaries that I don't always like. I find that hard when I'm feeling so much better. I'm seeking to trust God, knowing that He has a plan and His timing is perfect.

My therapy continues, but I think it is winding down. My therapists have been a wonderful encouragement to me. They've been great. I'm volunteering at Lakeside for a few hours a week. I'm trying to apply things I am learning in rehab. I'm not sure when I'll be officially going back to work, but hopefully soon.

For those of you who have prayed for me - thank you! That means so much. Well, have a good week. In next week's blog, I hope to share with, that in light of my accident, the things that I am thankful for.

God bless you!

Kathi

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T14:08:00.001-07:00

Hello Friends!

I trust that you've had a good week. My week has been pretty nice, as it has been filled with rehab appointments, attending church and Bible study, as well as seeing friends (including the "Great Pumpkin). It has been great to catch up with some friends that I haven't seen in a number of years - as well as those I haven't seen in a few months.

As rehab continues, I'm encouraged by how my therapists are encouraged. I'm not sure when I'll be cleared to go back to work - but we're working on returning (as close as possible) to my "pre-accident" state. I'm not a 100 percent there yet - but I am getting closer.

When I was in the hospital, I was told that this would be a long haul, that perseverance would be very important. I am definitely finding out how true that is. Though I am incredibly happy with the time frame of my recovery, sometimes it feels too long. I realize that I am not as persevering as I thought I was.

Thanks to all who have been praying for me. Here are a few more requests:

For God to strengthen my perseverance
For continued increase in stamina
For the continued healing that needs to take place

Thanks for your encouragement and support!

Kathi

A Good Workout!

2008-10-23T14:36:00.000-07:00

Who would have thought doing jumping jacks, jogging a short distance down the hallway, as well as walking a short distance, turning while walking and then walking backwards would be anything to get excited about? But being 48-years-old and having suffered a traumatic brain injury brings a new appreciation for the simple things in life.

My therapists think I am doing very well. My balance has been returning, so that is encouraging and exciting. It enables me to get excited about doing things that I had really taken for granted. Four months ago (my accident occurred on June 18), medical personnel were wondering if I'd even survive and today I am jogging down the hallway!

God has been so faithful and gracious to me. I'm thankful for God's care of me. He has provided through many people: for my care needs, for my relational needs, my physical recovery needs, as well as my spiritual needs. I have been incredibly blessed.

I have been able to attend church two weeks in a row, as well as a women's Bible study. It has been great to be able to return to Lakeside. It has been fun and encouraging to see people I haven't seen in a while. This church has demonstrated Jesus to me and to my family in an extraordinary way.

This past weekend, my pastor gave a tremendous message on leaving a legacy - how would people remember me? Wow! That hit a little close to home having almost died, but it was a huge thought to ponder. I'm still processing that idea, as I know that there is plenty I have not done well and people I haven't loved well. But I am thankful for forgiveness, and to know that God is working in my life - changing me from the inside out. I want to be a woman with a strong character and life that honors God and I want to love others well.

May my life (through God's strength) be one of faith (in a faithful God), that in turn exudes hope that only God can bring (even when things don't look too "positive"), that produces a love for others as God would have me love them.

I hope that as you are reading this, that you recognize God's love for you. May you see it and experience His love in a special way.

Blessings,

Kathi

2008-10-06T15:25:00.000-07:00

Hi friends,

I know that it has been awhile since I've been in touch, so I

thought I'd write about what has happened this past week.

Monday (September 29)

On Monday, my sister came to town! It was SO good to see her. This was actually her fourth trip to California since my accident, but I only remember the last trip (a few weeks or so ago).

Things have changed since I saw her last. For example, I'm walking (most of the time) without the use of my cane. My memory is a lot better. Physically I am doing better . . . it was an encouraging visit for her and for me.

My sister is 3 1/2 years younger than me and it was great to see her in action. She is mature, smart, a go-getter, and has a good heart. I've been the recipient of her love, hard work, encouragement, and expertise.

She left Sunday and this was probably the longest time we spent together in a couple of years. I can't wait until she can return again. We spent the past week going to therapy appointments getting together with friends, doing a little shopping, eating, and just hanging out together.

Tuesday & Wednesday (September 30/October 1)

My therapy continues to progress. I had two days of therapy last week and will have two days this week. Today (October 6) had me in for all three therapies (physical, occupational, and speech). It went well and each of my therapists has been very encouraging and helpful.

Thursday (October 2)

Here is another cool thing that happened last week! I got to meet the medics who responded to the emergency call for Kathy Hurd and me. It was a wonderful opportunity to meet the men and women who treated and cared for us in the initial moments of our accident. Their timely and accurage treatment of us was critical. They saved our lives.

I know I have a hard time understanding just how critical my condition was, but hearing the various stories and seeing some pictures from when I was first in the hospital is enlightening me.

Sunday (October 5)

It was sad to leave my sister at the airport, but I'm thankful her family let her come down for the week. I'm glad she is back home with them.

Sometimes I don't feel like I'm doing anything! But I am consistently reminded that doing what I can do to get better is what I am to focus on. Though I don't have a lot "scheduled" into my week, it does take physical and emotional energy from me. I'm encouraged to hear that the frustrations and challenges are all part of the healing process.

If you have been praying for me - Thank You Very Much - and please continue. Pray for perseverance, continued healing, and for the wisdom that I need each day. Thanks.

Blessings,

Kathi

Happy First Day of Autumn!

2008-09-23T19:54:00.000-07:00

Hey there!

I hope that you had a good weekend and that the new week has begun well for you.

My time in Folsom has been going well. My friends have been taking incredible care of me. My time at their home has been great for my recovery. I had good news last week - I began my outpatient rehabilitation! It was just introduction stuff and meeting my therapists. They were very nice and encouraging. This rehab facility is in Roseville (not too far from Folsom - that is very nice). I have appointments this week for physical, occupational, and speech therapies.

This past weekend was nice in a number of ways: my friends, Debby and Veo, took me to Outback Steakhouse and a frozen yogurt place. There was golf on TV. And the Chicago Cubs baseball team guaranteed themselves a spot in the Major League baseball playoffs. Okay, that is pretty shallow, but it all did make for a nice weekend.

I've been able to see a number friends this last week. That has been really encouraging. Physically I'm feeling stronger; my leg is healing; and my memory is getting better. I'm looking forward to next week as my sister will be back for a visit. It has been so great to have here here.

Life isn't back to "normal" yet - the recovery is definitely a process, but I'm grateful for how encouraging and helpful people have been to me on this journey.

Take care, God bless, and have a great week.

Kathi

I want to take a moment to share how impressed I am with Kathi - her courage, faith and strength - in how she is handling this process. She is teaching me so much about God and his love and faithfulness. I know that if God had chosen to take Kathi home this summer, he would have still been a God of love and faithfulness, but I am blessed that he has healed her so well, and promises to continue in the healing process.

I was sitting in church last weekend enjoying worshipping God. We sang "You Never Let Go" by Matt Redman, and even though I have sung that tune may times before, the words touched my heart. So, I share them with you . . .

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

Your perfect love is casting out fear.

And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life,

I won't turn back, I know You are near.

And I will fear no evil,

For my God is with me,

And if my God is with me,

Whom then shall I fear, whom then shall I fear?

Oh, no, You never let go, through the calm and through the storm.

Oh, no, You never let go in ev'ry high and ev'ry low.

Oh, no, You never let go, Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on,

A glorious light beyond all compare.

And there will be an end to these troubles, but until that day comes

We'll live to know You here on the earth.

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on,

And there will be an end to these troubles,

But until that day comes, still I will praise You,

Still I will praise you.

Praising God with you this week - V

2008-09-14T17:05:00.000-07:00

Having been "home" for a couple weeks now, I'm beginning to feel more comfortable. I think I was feeling a little overwhelmed at first. As well, let me make sure that you know that "home" is staying with my friends, Vickie, and her husband Steve.

Staying with Steve and Vickie has been a tremendous blessing. Their home is very comfortable and quiet. (Staying at the hospital wasn't always quiet. Needless to say, I am sleeping very well.) I've been very well taken care of. Vickie is a great cook, but we've also enjoyed delicious meals that have been made for us by some of you.

My body is continuing to heal, though I have not begun rehabilitation yet. The good news is that I have an appointment this week at an outpatient facility located in the Sacramento-area city of Roseville. I'm also walking a lot better and my leg has been doing fine. Please pray that will go well. Thank you.

The other area you can continue to pray for is my memory. It is getting better, but I still have a little ways to go. I'm remembering quite a bit, but still have some lapses (which I hear is normal.) Memory-wise I tend to forget the short term stuff and people's names, but it is getting better.

I'm very grateful for God's provision of you all in my life! The fact that you're praying for me is huge. Though it may not totally look like it, but God has done so much good: healing, encouragement, stamina, provision for needs. I'm very grateful. God has used many of you to meet my needs and answer our prayers. Thanks for being willing participants.

Take care and have a great week.

God's richest blessings, Kathi

Editor's Note: We are opening up visitation for Kathi at this time. If you would like to come by and chat with her, please contact Vickie at svdarcy@comcast.net. Some of the things to consider for visitation is keep it to no more that 30 minutes, talk in your "inside" voice," and only two people at a time. She is greatly encouraged by visiting with people and we will do everything we can to accommodate you!

Steve & Vickie

Words from Ms. Kathi Sturgeon - herself!

2008-09-06T18:27:00.000-07:00

Hi family and friends!

I know you haven't heard from us in a little while, so here is your latest update on Kathi (me). Yes folks, I'm doing my own blog today.

It has been two weeks since being released from the hospital! Though I was treated well there, it sure was nice to leave. I am very grateful for my friends, Steve and Vickie! They have been taking very good care of me. They have a comfortable home, have encouraged me on this journey, and have fed me some great food. (That is a big "thank you" to many of you who have provided some wonderful meals.)

Even though I am doing quite well, I still have a ways to go on my recovery. I am feeling well physically and my injuries are healing nicely. I am posting a picture from the I.C.U. along with a picture from today. I think it is evidence of God's tremendous power and grace.

Before closing this note, I'd to share of few "thank yous":

First, I would like to thank and praise God for all He has done for me. I continue to hear stories of God's working things for good out of a bad situation. Romans 8:28 has been very evident. God has been healing me; He has been providing for me in a variety of areas, He has been working in other people's lives, and He has been filling my mind and heart with peace.

Next I would like to thank the doctors, nurses, and other medical staff at Sutter Roseville TNICU and Mercy Hospital Rehabilitation Center for the incredible job they did while I was with them. And not just with me, but it was interesting to watch them care for the other patients on our floor.

I would like to thank you for your prayers (God has been answering them!) Also for your words of encouragement and support. The emails, letters, and calls I have received had been tremendously encouraging. And there was more than once when the words were received by me at just the right time -- right when I needed them!

I would like to thank my sister, Theresa, and my brother, Jack. They have been a huge help, even though they live Washington state. They have been incredibly supportive in so many ways.

I love them so much! And my niece, Emma, was able to come down with Theresa and it was great to have her here, too.

Others that have been doing some great things: Steve and Vickie for their hospitality, care, taking care of me and their support. It has been huge!

Thanks Debby for all you have done for me and my family! Your words of encouragement and acts of kindness have meant so much.

Thanks Veo for taking care of Spike (my cat) and checking on my place.

Thanks to the staff at Lakeside Church (my place of employment) for all that you have done for me!

I know I'm probably forgetting someone, so please forgive me. But I'll just blame it tonight on the traumatic brain injury and thank you in another email.

God has reinforced to me during these couple of months that life is not to be lived alone. We really do need others (sometimes it is more evident then at other times.) Thank each of you for being a part of my life.

I love you all and will check back in next week.

~ Kathi

First Week Home!

2008-08-30T13:22:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a week and a day since Kathi came home from the hospital. Being in a quiet environment, especially at night, has helped Kathi sleep better, and therefore, have more energy. We have tried taking short walks outside until the heat drove us back inside. Her ability to walk and have good balance is getting better everyday. We hope to get the out-patient therapy locked in by next week, and we are still waiting to hear about the insurance decision on the Bakersfield Rehab facility.

Yesterday her sister, Theresa, and niece, Emma, took her out to lunch (first time out for a meal!) and then we drove to Lakeside to pickup some paperwork, and Kathi had the opportunity to see some of her co-workers. What a treat to see her eyes light up as she walked into the office and saw familiar faces. Then we came home and took a nap!

Theresa and Emma flew back to Seattle last night, so Kathi said her good-byes. It makes her a little sad to see them go, but Theresa will be back in a month or so.

Please continue to pray for healing of her mind - thinking, memory and reasoning. Also pray for continued stamina and strength. And praise God for the miraculous healing we have seen!

D-Day!

2008-08-22T15:45:00.000-07:00

Yes, folks, today was D-Day, as in DISCHARGE! YEAH! Kathi's sister, Theresa, and niece, Emma, flew down to Sacramento on Wednesday. We have spent a few whirlwind days being educated, buying supplies and cleaning the bedroom where Kathi is going to stay for a while. It has been such a sweet and precious time, filled with anticipation, and then today . . . we brought her home. We arrived about lunch time, and after eating, Kathi went to bed for a nap and is still asleep as I'm writing this blog (2 hours). She told us that her body was in shock from the ride home and not being in the hospital anymore. I believe it!

She is still having difficulty with her memory and confabulation (verbalizations with no basis in reality) but we expect that to get better with time. To help her with this, she has a "memory journal" where she keeps information to refer to when she is confused. She is walking, but is unstable from weakness and dizziness, so she is using a walker. That, too, should get better in time.

At this point, we will start out-patient speech, physical and occupational therapy sometime next week. We are still waiting to hear about the facility in Bakersfield - there is still a possibility that Kathi will still go there for some "fine tuning" if it all works out with her insurance.

Kathi is desperate to shave her legs, and we hope to get her hair cut!

When I look back at pictures of Kathi taken in the hours and days after her accident, I still audibly groan. Personally, I confess that I was not hopeful that my sweet friend was ever going to make it. But God gave us a miracle - His power and grace is so evident when I watch my friend smile, crack a joke or share some thoughts on her relationship with God.

"To God be the glory,

Great things He hath done!"

Thank you for surrounding Kathi (and us) with your love and prayers. Blessings to all of you!

French Fries!

2008-08-19T22:59:00.000-07:00

I received a call from the rehab team where Kathi is -- they told me that she wasn't eating well. A little tired of hospital food? They put her on the phone and I asked what she would like to eat and she said french fries. I made a run to McDonald's, joined by our friend, Susan, and we dined on our fine cuisine OUTSIDE on the patio of the rehab unit. Fast food and a little fresh air!

Rules, Rules, Rules

2008-08-12T19:37:00.000-07:00

"There are too many rules!" That's Kathi's latest complaint. Today I found that Kathi has been transferred to a new bed - a mattress on the floor. This is because our dear friend keeps getting out of bed and sometimes falling. To prevent injury, the staff felt a six-inch fall off a mattress wouldn't be too bad. Either today, or tomorrow, they plan on trying a regular "lo-boy" bed. Kathi just laughs.

She was pretty alert today and commented that she is a little frustrated that she can't just do what she wants to do, when she wants to do it. I think we have heard that before. She said this was especially true last Sunday - she really misses being at Lakeside and doing her job.

When the PT person came in, I asked Kathi to let me see her walk. So here are the pictures that show how well she is doing in that area. I praised her on how well she is walking. She said, "You know, everyone says that to me. But I don't feel like I walk well at all!"

The wound on left leg is well healed. The skin donor site causes her some discomfort as it itches. There is a little discomfort on the side of her knee when she is doing some of her exercises. But nothing too awful.

By her own account, her dizziness is getting better, and the nausea is pretty much gone. (Yikes! We didn't even know she was nauseated.)

My general assessment after todays visit: Kathi is pretty tired of being in the hospital. "Too many rules!"

Phone Chat

2008-08-07T19:52:00.000-07:00

So . . . I was sitting in the break room on Wednesday, grabbing a quick lunch, when my cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number and answered with that hesitant voice we all have when we are afraid it's a sales call.

"Hi! It's Kathi." It took me a moment to do the mental puzzle to realize it was KATHI! It was just the sweetest thing in the world. Two other friends were sitting with me, and Kathi said hello to them, too. She told me that they are allowing her two calls a week now, and she "hoped she wasn't bothering me." We chatted a bit, said good-bye and hung up, and then I cried. Not given to much emotion, and having not really cried much during this journey, I was overcome by the miracle that God has blessed us all with. OK - enough sentimentality.

Last night, Spike made an appearance and Kathi had the chance to hold him and see him. She told me it was "good for him to see her." When my husband asked if Spike seemed glad to see her, she said "he's not exactly a warm and fuzzy cat." Which we all know is true!

You see in this picture that she is looking at her most recent mail. To her classmates in Washington - celebrating a 30-year class reunion - she was amazed and touched by your card and picture. She remembered each and every one of you. Once again, she is still awed by the people who have encouraged and inquired about her.

There are once again specific areas of prayer. First, even though you can see the normal sparkle in her eyes, Kathi still struggles with memory and dealing with thoughts that she thinks are reality. Sometimes she is right on the money, sometimes she's way off the mark! So pray for continued healing in her brain.

There is a possibility, only a possibility at this point, that Kathi may be going to another more intense rehab facility in the next couple of weeks. There are many issues to be worked out, but if she could go, it would be the best thing in the world for her recovery. This is a facility that simulates real life and helps her begin to learn basic skills of daily living. Pray that God will make perfectly clear his plan for her immediate future.

Her one complaint is fatigue - pray for increasing strength and stamina.

Wrapping up this week's blog, I'll close with some of Kathi's humor - which by the way, is so very present. While meeting with some people last week from another rehab facility, they asked what her work hours were like as the Director of Women's Ministries. She said about five and 1/2 days a week. One of the people joked that they thought pastors only worked on Sundays. Kathy responded with "Yeah, that's just the "guy" pastors."

"Give Me a Break!"

2008-07-31T18:23:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends!

What a great day . . . Kathi "showed off" a little for me and I was amazed at the progress in just the last 3 or 4 days.

The first thing I did today was check her sleep log from last night - and she had slept the entire night. Praise God! When I walked into the room, Kathi looked at me and said "The doctor told me I would be in the hospital for a few more weeks."

Now, the significance of this is 1) She finally remembered she was in the hospital. 2) She remembered talking to the doctor this morning and 3) She's right about the time frame.

Kathi proceeded to tell me that she had walked in the hallway today with a walker and it was hard. She expressed amazement at the length of time she has been in the hospital and that she can't remember any of it. Her self-awareness was greatly improved today. The down-side of this self-awareness is now she recognizes that she has pain in her leg and some of her joints.

I was shown some of her work from a few weeks ago when the therapist asked her to outline the letters "A, B & C" that were pre-written for her. She couldn't do it. Today, she wrote the entire alphabet without any problem. When she forgot her therapist's name, she said "Hey - I have a traumatic brain injury, give me a break!" What a hoot!

We sat for a while as she opened, read and talked about the various cards and notes she has received. She was flabbergasted that so many people had written her encouraging cards and had been praying for her over the last six weeks.

After 90 minutes of working hard, her ability to concentrate on the present started to suffer a little. She asked me to help her pack her things up so that we could get home. But today, that minor glitch in her thinking was the exception and not the rule.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

2008-07-24T20:01:00.000-07:00

I thought I would just send out a picture of Kathi after she enjoyed lunch today. She has been upgraded to eating with three other people along with a monitor. Good improvement! It was so exciting to see her sitting and holding up her own head - because the last time I saw her sit up, she could not hold up her head.
I was on a mission to deliver some clothes today, but was pleasantly surprised to be able to talk to one of her therapists. She wanted to give us all praise for putting Kathi's therapy ahead of our need to be present. She also said that Kathi was working "like a dog!" Right after taking this picture, Kathi insisted that I take one of the two of us.

She looked at me today and said "This body - it just won't do what I want it to." That was a very coherent statement. It will soon, Kathi, it will soon . . .

"Appointments For Tomorrow"

2008-07-23T21:10:00.001-07:00

First of all, I want to say a big "thank you" to everyone who donated blood on Kathi's behalf last Sunday. There were 62 donors (42 at the church and 20 in BloodSource's office) - way above our goal of 24 donors. The people at BloodSource said that each donor has the potential to save three lives. If you do the math, 62 x 3 = 186 lives. You guys are great! What a wonderful gift.

I popped in to see my friend tonight while she was having dinner. Kathi is still on a soft diet and needs 1-to-1 monitoring while she is eating. This is because she is still not a strong chewer and swallower.

She was delighted to see me, but basically stopped eating at that point to talk to me. So her nurse took her dinner away. This just reinforced to me that she really can not focus on two things at once right now. (I guess all those specialists are right . . . go figure!)

Once again, she was very chatty and animated - but confused and fuzzy in her thinking. Innately a Type A personality, she feels the pressure to be accomplishing something. She was concerned about her "appointments for tomorrow" and wasn't sure that she will continue to be a full-time student, or work part-time. Bless her heart - her mind is just racing trying to fill in the holes. In case you wonder, we gently bring her back to the present, reinforcing where she is, what has happened, that she no longer is in college, and that her only job is to "get better." We assured her that we are taking care of all her appointments and ministry responsibilities. Someday she will recall all this on her own.

It was also interesting to watch when another person entered the room and began to talk to her. You can tell that she becomes easily overwhelmed and stops talking - trying to process all that is going on. I tell you this, because I want to be accurate and up front with how she is healing. Time is her friend in this "re-booting" of her brain. Thank you all for respecting the "No Visitors" restriction at this point. We all want what's best for Kathi.

Her leg is healing well, but sleep CONTINUES to be a problem. The doctor has tried various medications to help, but she still only sleeps an hour or two at a time. I asked her if she was out of bed today - she said yes, but that she is very weak and she doesn't understand why. So continue to pray for rest, strength and healing of those fragile connections in her mind.

Sunday Small Talk

2008-07-20T18:04:00.000-07:00

I know for many of you, this is a lifeline to Kathi. So, I am diligently filing the latest blog even though there hasn't been much change, or things to report. I visited with her today for about thirty minutes, and she was exhausted from the beginning. We read her most recent cards - she enjoyed the riddles that were sent to her - and that just about wiped her out. I was informed that she still isn't sleeping well at night (only about 4 hours last night) and that is tough on her.

She was gracious and excited to see me, though. We talked a bit and I commented on how her memory was a little fuzzy. "Really?" she asked. "Did I tell you that I recently married Robert Redford?" She gave me that famous grin, and then admitted that her memory was fuzzy. I'm amazed that she never misses an opportunity to make me laugh.

This begins week two of rehab. Please pray for her ability to get some good sleep - especially at night. Pray for strength and continuing healing of her brain. Praise God for her sweet spirit and sense of humor.

Evaluation, Treatment Plan & Blood Drive

2008-07-17T18:45:00.000-07:00

Today was a big day - we met with the various professionals involved in Kathi's care and treatment. It was informative and helpful!

We first met with her speech, occupational and physical therapists. They are bright, competent and compassionate people. They let us know that Kathi is doing great. Very constructive information was given to us, along with ideas to make this rehab be the best it can be. One of their basic requests was to decrease her stimulation as much as possible. She is easily distracted by sounds in the hall, a napkin in her lap, or a chipped fingernail . . . and then she can't focus on their training and instruction. So they asked that we discontinue any visitation except for her immediate family. They explained the energy it takes to "visit" with someone detracts from her ability to re-train her brain. As painful as that is for us (and you), whatever is best for Kathi is our focus. Thank you for your understanding!

Kathi's diet has advanced a bit, and she is enjoying it. She has been transferred to a special bed (a veil bed) to better protect her from injury or falls. The various teams told us that Kathi is such a sweet person - her kindness shines through to them. They warned us that with TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) we may find that she displays unusual anger or frustration, so don't be surprised. But at the end of the meetings, the speech therapist said she doubted we would ever see that in Kathi. It isn't in her spirit.

We all want to know HOW LONG and HOW MUCH recovery will we see, right? I know that I want to know . . . and as you can imagine, the rehab teams won't say. It could be six months or two years - but they were very optimistic that she would have a "good" recovery. Just to remind everyone - Kathi sustained a horrible brain injury. We give praise to God for her recovery so far - and it is totally in His hands as to her further recovery.

This Sunday, July 20, there is an ability for you to help in a tangible way. The first week following the accident, Kathi needed a HUGE amount of blood products. So, Lakeside Church is hosting a blood drive from 8:30am to 12:30pm through BloodSource at the Lakeside Folsom campus. Your blood donation can be credited to Kathi's blood account which will go towards saving another person who sustains a traumatic injury. You can make an appointment ahead of time by emailing nancyconley@sbcglobal.net, or you can just walk in that day. If you want your donation to be credited to Kathi, just mention that to the blood drive staff. For additional information, you can call Lakeside Church at (916) 985-3245.

In closing, I want to give you a "Kathi-ism" - we were discussing styles of music today. One of us mentioned that we like a combination of old hymns and current Christian music. Kathi smiled and said "Aren't all hymn's old?" Hmmmmm . . .